I pledge, resolve and really, really mean to...

 

It's that time of year when people (other people mostly) usually make resolutions. [The picture above has virtually nothing to do with resolutions unless I made one to get organized about holiday cards. Which I have never done.] Oh, I've done it. Done it to death in prior years. Way back in the early days of this strange time, I even made a plague pledge:

• I will drastically limit my own contacts as well as limit asking others to make contacts on my behalf if they'd otherwise be sheltering or not coming to our building.
• I will use my supplies sparingly so I don't have to ask friends to search for (or share from hoards) TP or wipes or certain food items.
• I will not share unverified information on social media or bother to rant about the performance of leaders.
• I will not put judgmental posts up about others' behavior in doing excessive errands, shopping, sightseeing, and so forth. I will not point out obvious hoarding. Know that I am seeing this. As are others.
• I will quit complaining about the construction crews working I can see from my perch. But I see it and if there is evidence that it prolongs the outbreak...well, I don't know.
• I will be thankful for people adding some shopping for us to an errand they were already doing, reducing vectors somewhat. So far, we are relying on people in our own building and one on our own floor. Do the vector geometry.
• I will limit my orders that require others to enter our lobby but be thankful for Amazon and Austin Wine Merchant and Fixe having allowed us to get some things.
• I will realize how privileged Forrest and I are in this crisis and try to help people left vulnerable by the loss of jobs, health, loved ones, and mental health.
• I will try to stay healthy and not fall down doing laps around the apartment or climbing my ladder to get something so that I can avoid overwhelmed healthcare for a non-COVID-19 reason.

I must say that I have stayed pretty close to these promises. We have gotten a lot of packages delivered, I guess, but less than some people. As time went by the people in our building who were doing in-person shopping and bringing us stuff have gone by the by. (One got the virus and after hospitalization and recovery never offered again. Go figure. Two left the building.) We have our cars in working order, though, and so are doing curbside pickup. I might have railed at the performance of our government leaders and I have complained about the construction continuations (and was proven right as it became one of the flash points in our community).

Those New Year's Resolutions, though. Oofta. I have mixed things up by doing Holiday Resolutions. And these make me really sad because they reveal a lifestyle I've been (temporarily I hope) robbed of. I have made the mundane NY resolutions. And years ago...I made resolutions for other people!

I think maybe I will just approach 2021 with this thought from 2012: 

I resolve to live fully in the moment at hand as best I can and to do things a little differently every day to shake things up.

That seems fair and maybe I can keep it. 

Getting My Affairs in Order

If I have any resolutions (I don't really do them unless I do), it is all about 'getting my affairs in order.' People who are given a fatal diagnosis are often encouraged to do this. But we will all die. And I worry about troubling those I leave behind with pesky details.

I'll probably live another twenty years. (And outlive my money.) But you never know.

When FFP and I were first married, we read an article in a magazine. An elderly man had 'willed' himself to live during his wife's last fatal illness and then lived long enough to see her memorial headstone erected on her grave. I told FFP he needed to do that for me. I'd like to hold him to that only I worry about the things I do in our domestic and financial partnership that I haven't sufficiently explained. I worry about possessions that I'd leave behind that would seem burdensome. I went through first my mother's possessions, then my dad's and then FFP's parents.

We are taking down the Christmas decorations. The ones above are on top of a cabinet that you have to get the ladder out to reach. I haven't done that yet. What will someone make of all those bendies when I'm gone? And even more so, when both of us are gone. I'd like to get a jump on tossing stuff. (Although I think the Christmas 'toys' I put out this year are going to stay until I'm gone.)

I'd also like to feel like FFP could figure out the bills I pay, the WEB space and domains we own, how I organize various things, how I continuously balance our cash accounts, how I account for his Subchapter S business and communicate with the CPA to get all the tax forms done.

I don't know how many times I've started on this task and how many ways I've tried to do it. But maybe 2018 is the year. If I'm lucky.

Speaking of luck I ate black-eyed peas and cornbread and collard greens. We attended two 'good luck' New Year's Day parties. At one they grilled sardines which, I learned, some believe to be a good luck food. Fine by me because I love sardines and these were delicious.

And good luck to all the Holidailies folks out there who've been writing this month. I've enjoyed reading a few. Until next year.

I Resolve

I gave up on New Year's Resolutions a few years ago. Then I made holiday resolutions. Then I gave up on those. When I did such things I even sometimes tracked my progress against them for a while after. (This is far easier to do for holiday resolutions than for those you track for a whole year.)

Why that picture? Because a lot of people (and possibly me in the past) often resolve to drink less. I'm not doing that. I may well drink less now than I did in the past. Maybe not. The Manhattan above (with a double cherry and smoked bacon garnish) is my special drink at Fixe, a restaurant close by. We will eat there on Christmas Eve. I will have one, I'm betting. I often go whole days without drinking. I didn't have a drink on Sunday. Last night I had a glass of white wine and then a couple of glasses of Burgundy. Some friends took us out. They drove us, too. I never drink and drive. I have in my life, but I avoid it assiduously now. It helps that I can barely see at night and therefore have trouble driving at night. Often we go out, I drink, the husband drives.

One can resolve to exercise more. Ho. Hum. I can't tell you how many times I did that. How many exercise, weight, food charts I made in an attempt to accomplish it. I could probably dredge up these old things, but I think they'd bore me. I think I resolve...to not bore myself. And so, I'll sign off before I bore everyone else, too.

Holiday Resolutions...Results are In!

Above: the sum total of our Christmas decorations with the tiny tree dwarfed by our presents to each other. (If you don't count our display of holiday cards.)

Before Holidailies began I made some Holiday Resolutions in this space. So it's time to review them now that the holidays are drawing to a close. See? Another great thing about holiday resolutions (as opposed to New Year's ones) is that the results are in soon enough. A year is too long a time to give yourself. I can sit here today (a rainy New Year's Day with temperatures in the 40's at best) and review them and be done and dusted of resolutions.

So here's my assessment based on the promises made in the above link:

• I have steered clear of the malls, the big box stores, etc. I probably need a trip to Costco some time after January 10 or so to stock up on cheese and some paper goods. And maybe even pick up a new gadget or two. (Or not.) In all honesty I don't really usually shop malls and big box stores. Make resolutions you can keep I say.
• We shopped independent stores. FFP bought me a couple of great books at Book People, the large independent book store that is a short walk from us. (They are in the package above before the Christmas Eve unwrapping.) I have started to dip into both of them: "Invictus" by John Carlin and "When Paris Went Dark" by Ronald Rosbottom. Both going to be great reads.I bought him a tie. I know, trite. However. I bought it at an independent clothing store downtown. I walked over there. AND I bought it off a mannequin in the window. FFP admired it one day when we were walking by. And I remembered. It was the only one they had exactly like that. He liked it and spent a bunch of time matching it to shirts and jackets. He loves clothes. We also shopped at his favorite store, an independent clothing store not far but not walkable, where he got a new suit, a new leather jacket and we both got new belts. He bought some sweaters at a chain store but at least it was one he could walk to! He bought a new hat (the kind golfers and hip musicians wear) at Goorin Brothers and while it's a national brand they are a very old (100+ years plus) hat maker. They have a single Texas store on South Congress. And yes, we walked there. We bought more books at South Congress Books as gifts to ourselves. This is a regular stop on one of our walks. I got two catalogs form Lance Letsher shows at a French gallery for myself. While I sort of gave in on the decorations (see below and above) we did shop for the tiny tree and its 'ornaments' at Toy Joy, a short walk over on Second Street from our apartment. So yeah we were jolly elves to ourselves but shopped pretty much independent and in the 'hood. We also bought libations for friends at Austin Wine Merchant, a great wine and liquor store in our neighborhood. (We can, in fact, walk to five or six liquor stores and several more places where wine and beer is available.)
• I forgave myself for the crass gift of money to relatives. In point of fact I ended up purchasing some actual gifts as well and sending to my great nephews. However, my niece gave me quite specific directions. (Next year I'm going to buy a Lego toy for myself and put it together over the holidays. Maybe.)
• I refrained from anything resembling a Santa or Elf Costume. I did wear my ancient red blazer to several parties. As festive as I got. How old is it? Well, I'm not sure, but it's probably twenty years old. When people complimented me on it, I said it was vintage but that I bought it when it was new! 
• I did not cook a turkey or a ham. I graciously ate the (pre-cooked) one our Thanksgiving hosts provided. I did cook up some sausages and bacon in the microwave, (something I almost never do) as special holiday breakfast treats.
• I spent not one iota of interest on the arguments over religion during the holiday. I noticed, with some amusement, that a nativity scene was place at the Capitol briefly and some believers in separation of church and state were offended. I was offended by nothing anyone did and enjoyed all the jolly trees and people's celebrations of Christmas and Hanukkah on facebook. We were not invited to the Winter Solstice party. We used to get invited but I guess we were not good enough guests. Or pagan enough. In any case, it was one more night that we had to ourselves to enjoy our calm holiday.
• I didn't decorate too much. FFP wanted a tree so we bought the one above and added tiny bats, flamingos, etc to decorate it. Got it at ToyJoy as mentioned above. I didn't drag out my bendable, posable holiday collection and other decorations from the depths of my storage cage. The one Santa above got left out after the last Christmas the bendable guys were up here. The several ornaments around him are ones we received over the holidays.
• I thoroughly enjoyed the decorations of others. There are several examples on our Austin Daily Photo blog. People go to so much trouble and I enjoy it. We didn't go driving around to look at lights, however.
• We ate at several great restaurants and enjoyed parties. We even gave a dinner party for an (early) New Year's Eve dinner. We tried out a new restaurant and went to some tried and true ones, too. Didn't do Threadgill's (or any other place) on actual Christmas Day. Stayed in and had whatever we pleased from a stocked frig. 
• We did see some movies. Well, one at the theater around the corner (Violet Crown) which was "Foxcatcher." Good but disturbing movie. We watched a DVD of "Gone with the Wind" and one of "Jezebel" and also watched the Christmas scene and a few others from "Giant."
• We enjoyed the parties. Even though we didn't give a party we treated a couple of people to dinners and hosted a small party in a restaurant early on NYE as mentioned above. Maybe next year I'll give a party but probably not. The ones we attended were outstanding. Our dinner party was flawless with great conversation from very interesting guests.

Now that was simple wasn't it? Holiday or New Year's...I think the secret to resolutions is making ones you can certainly keep!

Lastly, for this holiday wrap-up, I bring you my assessment of the ritual holiday cards. As mentioned here I did not send cards this year but rather replied to the ones I received. But only the ones that were from individuals (not businesses or Realtors or brokers or charities). In the end I received two from people I could not remember knowing including two copies of one of them. FFP remembered being asked a favor by one of them. Didn't reply to those either. How could you write a personal note to someone you can't remember anything about? I also did not reply to one from one half of a couple who divorced. Didn't have it in me to write a note.

So...we received 22 cards from businesses, charities, brokers, etc. I got 56 from individuals who made the cut to reply to although two were from relatives that I had actually sent cards to before Thanksgiving with Christmas money in them. A lot of them were simple matte or glossy cards with family pictures. Some included those letters summing up the year in some fashion. One was only said letter but it was illustrated. Some were simply seasonal art or photos. There were snow scenes, snowmen, a Matisse chapel cut out card, the three wise men, doves, dogs, cats, ornaments, owls, Santas, wreaths, penguins, snowflakes, trees, birds, A few wrote a substantial personal note in actual handwriting expressing more or less heartfelt desires to see us in person or wish us well. I sent 57 cards including the three preemptive ones to relatives. (Two later sent me one and one had a form letter describing the year and another had a picture of the kid and a hand-written thanks for the money. One just sent a thank you, I think.) So I have a stack of paper and cardboard with glitter drifting from some of them. I'll keep them for a bit and then they will hit the trash or recycling bin. I'll save a few pictures. All in all, I enjoyed them and I've given the Matisse one a place of honor on my shelf.

Endings. And this ends Holidailies, too. Hope you enjoyed it. I have. But now I have one less duty of a morning and can do some other tasks around here. Or, you know, sit in my chair and stare dreamily out the window.

Holiday Resolutions

That's FFP last year posing with the Santa at Headliners Christmas party.

I used to be a big proponent of New Year's Resolutions. It just seemed so hopeful to be able to stop on a dime and change your life in some way (or ten or more ways) by just promising it to yourself. But the post-resolution depression soon set in as you realized there was nothing about January 1 that promised change more than any other day. In fact, a day when everyone lies around recovering from too much food, drink and revelry while watching football? Yeah, a day best lost to the wasted bucket rather than a new beginning.

In the past I'm pretty sure I bailed on New Year's Resolutions and made Holiday Resolutions. Some time prior to Thanksgiving but after all the stores were already hawking holiday stuff and arguing over whether to be open on Thanksgiving Day I decided what I would do in the period stretching out to the day after New Year's Day. I can't find that old list, but it probably was something like the following.

• Don't go to any big box store or mall between a few weeks before Thanksgiving until a few days into the new year. (I don't visit these places often and in fact made a run to Costco, the only place like this I frequently visit, a couple of weeks ago. I'm stocked on toilet paper and cheese and such.)
• Do go to any independent stores you like and buy yourself or your spouse anything that your whims dictate. (FFP is hard to buy for, but I usually come up with something from a store I can walk to that is one of a kind and independent. I don't buy presents for anyone else.)
• Do not feel bad about sending money to relatives. They enjoy spending it. The adults will pretend to the kids that you picked out a perfect gift. 
• Do not dress up in Santa-themed or elf-themed costumes.
• Do not cook a turkey or a ham, but graciously eat those cooked by others. 
• Do not worry that you are properly addressing everyone's religious needs during this season. They will take care of themselves.
• Do not decorate the apartment for the holiday unless you get those bendable, posable collectibles out of storage. (See below.)
• Do enjoy the decorations of others especially those we can walk to and the magnificent displays at hotels. 
• Do eat out as much as you like and enjoy the company of others. Have fried oysters at Threadgill's for Christmas dinner if you like.
• See a lot of movies both in the theaters and streaming and on DVDs.
• Go to all the Christmas parties that you please and don't feel bad about not giving one.

Running In Place

The Visible Woman...is breathless.

While the world goes on, I seem to be stuck mid-stride. Not unlike the feeling from this solid sculpture of a running man. It appeared in January of 2013 (a year ago!) on Cesar Chavez along Lady Bird Lake. Then it disappeared. I have no idea what the story was. Like so many things in life. What seemed solid is suddenly gone but I'm treading along in the same spot doing things the same way in the same shoes. Well, occasionally I buy new shoes. But yeah.

I guess the new year is supposed to make you feel like you have a vast number of days ahead. So you make those resolutions and you think well you have 52 weeks or so, 365 days. You can develop new habits, slowly changing your life for the better. If you lose a pound a week you can lose over 50 pounds. (By the way, I think it would probably be unhealthy for me to lose 50 pounds. Now 20 or 30. Hmmm.)

In a way, though, it feels like an ordinary day. I'm up at my computers. Yes, I have two at my desk. Sure, I'm thinking of all the calendar related things I need to do. Update the family calendar online. Start a new budget for January. For this I need to review last year's. Of course, it's tax time. I've already worked on some of the tax time chores. We need to start new folders for organizing taxes. Once a year, once a month, once a quarter there are things to do.

I feel still. We have no obligations today. Although, besides the computer and paper work I do need to do some cleaning. There are dust bunnies in the hall. We will stop by a friend's house in the afternoon for one of those New Year's Day get-togethers. We used to give such parties in our old house, serving up black-eyed peas and a pot of sausages and Bloody Marys and champagne. We had people sign a guest book and also write their resolutions, hopes, dreams and memories from the year past in another book. I'm sure I still have those books. But where?

I do need to clean out and find things. Winnow things down, find the treasures. We have lived in this apartment over five years. We aren't likely to move or to remodel so we have to otherwise create an incentive to get rid of things and tidy up.

And yet I'm sitting here. Still. Drinking a second cup of black coffee. Just thinking. And typing. Perhaps I should resolve to do more thinking. Or less.

But no resolutions. Although I know I can keep pacts with myself. After all this is my 32nd entry for Holidailies 2013. I not only posted some drivel each day, but I resolved to read a few entries from other people and did it. I really want to continue to keep up with a few of them, too. Doris Mash, PJ Cleary, and Bev Sykes. This will give me a coast-to-coast and across the pond view of other people and their struggle and triumph. Whether I keep up Visible Woman is a big question. I think I probably won't do it daily. My hubby helps with Austin, Texas Daily Photo and we seem committed to taking its daily posts into their 8th year. Man. Time flies while I run in place.

Note: What did we do yesterday? (This space used to be a repository for the things done, seen, eaten and drunk every day.) I played tennis. It was quite cold at the beginning. I went to the Post Office and sent my passport renewal stuff by return receipt mail. And bought stamps. Price for forever stamps going up. I put gas in my Honda Civic for the first time in probably six or eight weeks. We went to see "American Hustle" at the theater around the corner. Enjoyed it thoroughly. Enjoyed being able to walk there. We'd managed to reserve the recliners. I worked the puzzles in the Times which were easier than Monday's. Hmmm. We went to an early dinner at Congress. The staff dressed in 20's outfits. The food was retro but gourmet. An aspic amuse. A pineapple upside down cake dessert. We walked home and I watched the A&M football game and listened as the fireworks boomed outside. (You have to go to the other side of the building to see them.) FFP slept. I was in bed just before it became 2014, reading my book about Charlie Parker. Oh, I accomplished a few things. I reviewed some tax time stuff and updated some financial spreadsheets. Made some backups. And...put up an entry on this blog.

Out without a Bang

It's over. The year. The 2012 Holidailies.

It should be a time of new beginnings. Of new resolutions and resoluteness.

For me it seems to be more like a rehashing. The papers are full of recaps of 2012. My 'to do' list is a series of 2012 things: this tax return schedule, that quarterly payment. Starting fresh seems impossible faced with these things.

I could resolve to handle such things better in 2013. But, the fact is, given the available information and my advancing age, I did all right. I guess.

In the past I made resolutions about exercise, diet, organization, money, writing, reading, volunteering, friendships, time management as well as strange and obscure ones about riding the bus or learning to play Bridge.

It bores me to think about it.

I don't want to resolve to write here every day. (I'd probably blow that one tomorrow.) I don't want to resolve to keep up my other blog (Austin, TX Daily Photo) that I have faithfully executed for over five years. I might just end that one, too. I certainly don't want to resolve to keep up on facebook, twitter, Pinterest, Google Plus or any other social media.

So I think this will be it.

I resolve to live fully in the moment at hand as best I can and to do things a little differently every day to shake things up. 

Meanwhile there is a long list of those 'to do' things I can't avoid. So I'll just do some of them.

It's been fun with Holidailies, really, with an outside 'force' making me write something. I also took time to read samples from other blogs. That was good. Thanks to Chip and Jette and the reader's panel for the work. Goodbye to all that for at least a year and to 2012.

Less is More

Now comes that time of the year, that last few days on the calendar, when people start to say "Well, that's over. Next year will be better."

And they start wrapping things up. Lists of best books, movies, moments, achievements, news stories, the departed.

And they start making resolutions.

Oh, I've done it.

But this year I have resolved that, if I resolve for 2013 at all, I'd make one and only one declaration. And one terse enough to tweet.

I've had lots of ideas.

• Try to say no more than is absolutely necessary for communication and conversation.

• Give yourself a break. Every single day.

• Write down what you eat, drink and do so you can figure out what works. But assume most things are coincidence.

• Embrace complexity.

• Learn one thing every day.

I've made long boring lists before. I've even made myself assess progress against them. But I just can't do it. Maybe I'll revisit those old efforts in the waning days of this Holidailies exercise. Just to fill the space and convince myself of past futility. Because, after all, I did resolve to write something for every day of this December. But a brief foray into that old stuff would "bore me terrifically" I'm afraid.

[Note on the picture: One more self-portrait as a vague shadow. There's a theme there somewhere. Taken at one of the household shops on North Lamar.]

Less is More

I snapped this picture on a beautiful day in December when the temperatures didn't seem as threatening as they do today at the Gables Apartments near our condo tower. Dripping faucets inside apartments seems like overkill if you leave your heat on...what? Our condo has been set for the heat to come on if the temperature at the thermostat reaches 60F. I think anyway. That hasn't happened yet but the current cold front may make it happend. The temp has been dropping since I got up this morning and seems to have settled just below freezing. With temperatures, at a certain point less is not more. But this summer during the days and days of 100F plus temps any drop was welcome.

There are other times that less is more, though. Covering some news stories, for example. Eating, drinking.

Also: stocking up. It seems like a good idea to people. They are walking through Costco and they think, yeah, I could eat that many (pick one) nuts, chips, ounces of cheese, etc. But sometimes it's good to not stock up too much and just eat what you have around. When the weather turns bad, people strip the stores of food and water. How long do they think they might be stranded. Don't most of us have enough cans of chili to get through a crisis?

I once was the owner of two beat-up VW Beetles. Somehow we got the idea that having a 'spare' car would relieve the times that we had one car in the shop. (Our other car was a rotary engine Mazda. Remember those.) But. It was a pain. It expanded the times one car needed some work by 50 percent and there was insurance, license, inspection. More trouble than it was worth. And you had to have a place to park 'em, too.

Now, sometimes it's reasonable to stock up on stuff. It's best to have enough underwear, socks and blue jeans to get past the next wash day and enough dishes to fill a dishwasher before you have to run it. But lots of other things, you know, you don't need so much of really. And stockpiling is a really bad idea. You really only need a certain number of pairs of shoes or T-Shirts (but those things multiply, don't they?). You only need a few watches (um, do people even use them any more or just tell time with their cell phones?).

But most of the complications of our life? They are from having too many things going, too many duties, too many households to manage, too much of things we should have never gotten into. From letting too many people grab your time. I've spent my retirement looking for things to do but, at the same time, jettisoning responsibilities and stuff. Some responsibilities are pesky, though, and grow and grow and there is nothing you can do to make them all that much simpler.

But...if I'd made a New Year's Resolution it would have been to remember 'less is more' and to try as hard as I can to simplify things in my life.

Finally All Will Be Revealed

My dad had some news about his health issues today. But it wasn't the first, or even the second, thing that he talked about when I called. The news seemed a portent for the future to me. But he's begun to look at the future as a series of moments, I think. Maybe not. Maybe he's really striving to reach his 95th or even 100th birthday. (As he claims in jest now and then.) Maybe it's me that is living moment to moment. Not accomplishing things while waiting for a sucker punch. And it isn't even his situation, per se, that makes me feel this way. It's knowing that my own decline has become inevitable as well. Really, honestly, we expect those things with those older than us. But situations blindside us and finally we just linger in this fog of anticipation for the next changes.

We partied last night. But in a calm way. I had a few drinks. Ate some food. Listened to music. Chatted to friends. We didn't bother with the fireworks, instead listening to some bonus tunes. Fireworks seem sort of out of place to me right now. Festive in an over the top way that doesn't seem fitting somehow. Not that the amounts of my drinking and going out befits a solemn period of some kind. Things have happened to people at the periphery of my circle (accidents, death, serious illness) in the last few weeks that served to reinforce the unknowns. Dad's situation has been a roller coaster. When I get some time, I think "I need a drink." In a way that sometimes scares me. (No interventions needed. It's just that the idea of the drink is the idea of just idling away in a bar or restaurant and pretending you don't have to figure out the rest of your life.)

The year 2010 since the birth of the Baby Jesus will hold surprises and stunners along with the things we've come to expect and the things we should have come to expect but somehow never do (terrorism, economic cycles, celebrities acting badly, the good dying young, the good dying old and on and on). So what? Big deal. That's the future rushing at us like it always does.

I'd like to keep better track of my year this year. Maybe that is a resolution of sorts. And I'd like to keep track of the stuff that maybe isn't effectively conveyed in a public forum or should never be aired there. I won't do that, keep a daily journal offline whether typed or hand-written. But I should. Because I think 2010 will be one to look back on. Although I might not be proud of my performance in many areas and so it might be a year better forgotten, better misted over with the vagaries of memory with the convenience of not having a solid record, even one written by a party with bias toward herself.

[Another shop window reflection from Let's Dish. Even the mannequin has a mask although little clothing. To convey the theme of today: future as past, revealing what has happened but leaving much in the fog.]

Wrapping Up

As the new year approaches, it's time to wrap up the holidays.

It's time to put away the box of left over cards from our holiday mailing. When we moved I found lots of these stuck away here and there. I saved a few examples and recycled the rest. For the record I think I only used shop window reflections in one holiday card. I think the shop window on that card was in Paris, not that you could tell. I am extremely enamored of today's shot (not in Paris but on Second Street) because the tree and my hair seem to spike together although I could wish my hair was spiking more as here and here. But I digress.

It's time to figure out how to dispose of the cards and 'year in review' letters we received. The stack weighs a little over two pounds. All envelopes save two have been discarded (after checking any address info against the data base). One I haven't yet discarded ihas some lovely stamps from South Africa and the other has a Gary Cooper stamp (card sent by a guy who is named Gary Cooper but is not the long-dead actor).

I counted 104 cards. We probably sent a little over twice that many. Forty-eight included some sort of handwritten note beyond just a name or Merry Christmas. Twenty-eight wished us 'Merry Christmas' but only a handful had an overtly religious theme like a Bible Verse or the Wise Men. Not one Baby Jesus. Forty-one had family pictures, thirty-two with children (of all ages, among our demo if they were young kids they were often grands). Eleven included the family dogs. Wishes for Joy (15) , Peace (16) , Hope (3) and Love (14) appeared. Ten featured, primarily, snow. We don't get much here. There were the usual appearances of toys, packages, trees, stars, ornaments, penguins, Santas, flowers, birds, angels, sleds, holly, wreaths, doves, stockings, etc. Only two had a Southwestern theme. I didn't count how much UT regalia appeared but there was some. Odd one off examples featured a map of Africa with little children angels, a cartoon cat band, a cartoon hippo band and a painting by the sender's grandfather of a landscape.

All in all, a delight, were these cards. But now what do I do with a two-pound stack of board, paper, glitter and other odd material? I'll review them one more time, cursing the glitter, toss the paper in recycling, save a few cards for future decor and toss most of the family pictures and glittery, printed, maybe die-cut board.

For presents I received money and several books and some candy. FFP and I got some fine wine from a friend. We received some homemade zucchini bread and cookies. Less is more. I'm dying to find a moment to sit down and read the books. (While eating candy and cookies and drinking wine?) I gave money, mostly, plus some toys and games to young kids and iPod Touches (in spite of my disgust with Apple) to older 'kids.' I gave champagne, whiskey and wine. I gave my Dad a book showing pictures of him beginning with himself as a boy and including one with he and my sister and me as a baby and then others along the way including one of him with each grandkid and great grandkid as babies. I didn't mean it to be his present (and only present) but he liked it so much that it worked out. He showed it to friends and to the strangers doing home health. I usually give him a book but he hasn't been reading many books of late.

The year is almost gone. Normally I'm tempted to make resolutions. But not this year. Not even snide or silly ones. Not even grand and lovely ones. Whatever happens, happens. The year 2009 taught me that. I plan to start trying to organized for tax season, get my Dad situated in his new, alive but with some struggles, mode. I hope to plan some travels, do some writing, get my computer situation more stable. Clean, organize, discard, repeat. Do some tennis, exercise. Eat and drink. Well, maybe not drink SO much. Same old routine with verve (I hope). After losing five pounds the wrong way (stress) I make no resolution on weight loss. Whatever happens in 2010 will have me along for the ride. Doing chores. Making lists, checking things off them. If I feel the need for resolutions, I'll go to the well of past blogs and journals. Just recycle an old list.

Soon it's 2010. Whoop. Another day, another year. I'm still here, perhaps, and so, dear reader are you.

So How's That Going?

I didn't make resolutions other than to make some lists of things I 'never get around to doing' on Stickies. (Virtual ones in the Stickies app on Mac.) I told myself I'd occasionally spend 10 minutes, a half hour or an hour doing the things. That hasn't gone too far. Above is a picture I took of someone's resolutions that were offered up to burn when this went up in smoke on New Year's Eve.

If you made real resolutions instead of my slacker idea of promising to just spend time on things, then I bet some of yours were similar to Ruthie's. I do like one of hers very much, though: "Create daily." I don't feel very creative today, however. It is hot outside and I got sweaty on the tennis court earlier. I didn't enjoy the activity too much, really, because it was a play day with drills and made-up games and playing with various partners and a lot of people were better than I was. But, like I said, I got sweaty because it's hot and I've had to drink twenty or thirty ounces of water since I got home because one calf was cramping as I drove through my parking garage to park. Maybe if I took a shower I would feel creative. Ever since I got home from tennis (until, you know, a few minutes ago when I started blogging) I've been doing things I have to do, things to keep up with money and taxes and our schedule and dealing with e-mail. No points for doing things you know you will have to do. (Although Ruthie resolves to 'be current with chores and financial matters' I just don't see the point. Unless you've gotten hopelessly behind before and gotten in trouble. But I don't really do that.)

So did you make resolutions? And, a week in, how are you feeling about them?

What a Way to Start

The good news about the New Year's Eve celebrations is they are just festive with no gift exchange and religious overtones. The bad news is: what a way to begin a year...with a bang, yes, but drinking and staying up late and then you start the first day of the year getting up late, sort of behind. And then you realize: yikes I can't start the new year on the books without taking care of a couple of things on 2008 and saving some info for the CPA. And then you realize that you have to start taxes and that is so depressing. A friend called to say Happy New Year and said I should be glad I had money to count. Can't you imagine going into tax season as a Madoff investor? You would have horrible tax issues and no money. Or even as Bernie himself. He had to turn over a list of his assets by yesterday to the court. When did you last update your own list of assets? Does it include yachts? Still, it's an excellent exercise.

I wrote the above paragraph earlier. I had some breakfast, read some of the paper. Then I set a timer on my Mac desktop and started working on some year end and month end bookkeeping. I spent about three hours on it. I still have several things I need to do. I wrote them on a little 'to do' list on a Sticky and decided I would do my blog. Holidailies lasts another four days, I believe. So I have to do it. Yeah, not really, but doesn't it make you feel better to know you can do something every day even if it's kind of indulgent? FFP is taking a nap. We slept in this morning a little (9 o'clock it was almost when we finally got up and stayed up). But we were up very, very late. FFP took the picture above on the pool deck last night at midnight when the fireworks over Lady Bird Lake were erupting. We stayed up a while after that visiting with friends. We stayed up a while longer reading. I probably drank too much. Wine and champagne it was.

So, here we are. 2009. I've made the stickies for my promised New Year's Resolution. Which is to spend some time each day doing things that I never get around to. The three hours I spend today on bookkeeping? Doesn't count. It is stuff that eventually gets done and doesn't get shunted aside indefinitely.

I feel like I should go to the gym or go for a walk. I don't think we will go out to eat or go to a movie today. FFP has some writing he has to get done. But we may get cabin fever. (Would that be condo fever?) A walk would probably cure it. Going to the gym doesn't do the trick since it's just across the hall. (Can't go to the club today, even if I thought starting the car was a good idea, because it is closed.) But right now I'm listening to iTunes execute a play list of jazz tunesI made with "Genius" starting with a Roy Hargrove track. I still bridle when Apple uses Genius for people or software, but that's me. (Did anyone see the Simpson's Mapple episode? Loved, loved it. But I digress. But you know me...I think digression is the better part of valor.)

While I was goofing off, FFP got up from his nap. I wish I could nap. I'm not good at it. FFP can doze well in his chair or (as in this case) go to bed and catch some winks. Maybe I'll take a nap today. That would be different.

Well, before I continue too far down the digression path...I want to make a beginning of 2009 comment. I may expand on this in my other blog, The Journal of Unintended Consequences (which has fallen into disuse because it was overwhelmed with material). But I just want to make a list of the things that the press keeps telling me I did in 2008 and prior to that that I did not do.

• I did not run up credit card debt I had no hope of repaying. In fact, I paid cash or charged for thirty days only all year and for lots of years before.
  
• I didn't ignore that I might lose my job and health insurance. Rather I prepared financially to quit my job and buy insurance.
• I did not invest in things that 'looked too good to be true.' (Well, maybe a couple of times, but I knew the risk and it was usually some financial advisor dispensing and drinking the Koolaid.)
• I did not buy a house I couldn't afford with a toxic mortgage with zero down at adjustible rates I didn't understand and then blame someone else when I lost 'my' house. (If I had, though, I would realize it wasn't ever mine! Hell, you don't even own a house you own unless you can pay the tax collector thousands of dollars a year.)
• I did not assume real estate would always go up and buy property to flip.
• I did not gain two pounds. (I have done that, on average, sometimes in the past. I'm pretty sure that I'm pretty much the same as I was last year. Yes, I still could use to lose ten or twenty pounds. Shut up.)
• I did not buy an iPhone or any other smart phone. My phone doesn't take photos even. It is seven (more?) years old. But it works and the (original) battery still takes a charge and has good life.
• I did not cut back on eating out. And, contrary to the wisdom I heard on TV today I'm not going to start packing a lunch to go to work because I don't work. On the other hand I won't be saving money by not buying lattes. I don't buy lattes. I drink coffee out sometimes, but it's usually a brew, French press or an Americana or espresso. Mostly I drink many cups from my expensive Capresso machine at home.
  

I often look at the world and wonder what kind of place it would be if everyone were a little more like me. It isn't a pretty picture, in some cases. But it would be a world without Golden Arches. Or Starbucks. I'm just saying. And there wouldn't be an ARM.

So I'm tired of hearing 'it's our own fault' and stuff like that. Speak for yourself, journalist person.

Well, that's all. I'm going to the gym. Then I'm having a shower. Maybe a walk after that. Maybe I'll read a book. Hope you have a nice holiday and that your hangover yields as easily as mine did if you have one.

Wrapping Things Up

It's the last day of the year. I need to take care of the resolution thing. I need to talk about the movies I've seen. That way, tomorrow, I can start fresh. Maybe I'll write another paragraph of the novel tomorrow. I just reread the first three paragraphs (buried in those entries) and see clumsy writing that needs some tuning. I have decided what time of year it is, though. It is October. It is October because, in my head, another character appeared and he needed to have a certain kind of jacket. In Austin, in October, there's a good chance you wouldn't need one but in New York or Germany maybe so. I don't know what this character is doing. Maybe just satisfying my need to articulate my perception of the way certain people dress in Europe.

The Resolution Thing
What are resolutions, after all, except a commitment to concentrate some of your precious time on something that you care about? We do that every day (spend our time) whether it's by taking care of domestic chores for our family, going out to exercise, shooting pictures, preparing a healthy meal, reading, writing, etc. What I seem to do is (1) fritter away time without knowing where it goes; and (2) leave some things hanging that I care about, never spending time on them. So a couple of days ago I thought "I'm going to resolve to spend thirty minutes a day on things around here that I want to work on and two hours a week on stuff at Dad's to help him and straighten out things around his house." I'm not counting the things that have to be done. Taxes, accounting tasks, making the bed, general everyday tidying up (as opposed to, you know, actually cleaning the bathroom or something). Although I'm swithering about whether to include cleaning (as opposed to cleaning out as in "I cleaned out the closet.")

Anyway, I'm thinking that I'll keep some Stickie notes (probably virtual ones on my computer) and I'll put things I want to do on there, things I want to spend time on. I might have a ten minute list, a thirty minute list, an hour list. (See my 'system' always goes from simple to very complicated in a heartbeat. I hate that.)

After I thought this up I was flipping through an advertising magazine Costco sends which has some trumped up content to go with the selling. The title of an article was "Instant Resolutions Improve your life, in 1o minutes or less." Yeah, ahem. The idea is that it doesn't take that much time to move toward your goals. The ideas center around things that you can do that take ten minutes or less and help you with resolutions like save money (take ten minutes to make a lunch), go green (if it takes less than ten minutes on foot, walk) and get organized (leave everything a little better than you find it...straighten a drawer when you open it).

Yeah, well just thinking about the resolution thing has made me tired and harried and saying to myself "you (me) can't tell me what to do!"

Anyway, we'll see. I'll probably create the Stickie notes and then lose track of them. They will have dull-sounding tasks.

The Movies
I'm not much of a movie critic. Sometimes I don't even know if I like a movie until later. Sometimes I have to see a movie a couple of times to appreciate aspects of it. Maybe I should resolve to become a better movie critic. I know, I know, I volunteer to screen films for a festival but, really, at the level where I work it is really "sucks majorly," "interesting," and "wow, this one really, really doesn't suck." And not many fall into the third pile. I mean I'm just a 'screener' which means lay eyes on it, rate it in some categories, see if the disk works, etc.

Anyway, we saw "Milk." Now here's what those of us who remember Harvey Milk at all who aren't gay activists of a certain age and locale probably remember: He was a gay supervisor (sort of like a councilman in other cities, I think) and another supervisor, Dan White, shot and killed him and the mayor. Oh, and Dan was high on Twinkies according to his brilliant lawyer who mitigated his charges with that defense. That was me anyway. So how to tell the story? Acknowledge that straightaway. Then give us the story of Harvey and those around him and show us why it is more important than the Twinkie defense. Show how he got to that point and what it means. Oh, and get Sean Penn to channel the guy completely and convincingly. (I also thought that the other characters really looked like their real-life counterparts although whether they were portraying them as accurately as Sean seemed to be doing for Milk is hard to say. There are more images of Milk. And, really, maybe I digress, but maybe Sean wasn't really that much like the real Harvey Milk, but he convinced us that he was. And digressing further, don't you think that Sean and Philip Seymour Hoffman should just flip for the Oscar every year for a while?)

So, yes, they wound the story back to Harvey deciding, influenced by a young lover, to come to California. And they show him opening a camera store, trying to be a good neighbor, an activist. Then they show him losing like a dozen elections. Well, maybe three or four or something. Losing, losing, losing. They spend a lot of time on Prop 6. Think Prop 8, but instead of not being allowed to marry, you will be ferreted out and your job will be taken away. Only they can't explain what the 'test' for homosexuality will be. Think we haven't come a long way? (And, yes, there's a long way to go.) That fight is won, however. There are some new district lines. (Gerrymandering? Accident?) Maybe some new rules. (Austin elects council members at large with a 'Gentlemen's' (and ladies) agreement to put only Hispanics up for one and only black for another. I'm totally serious. It's bizarre. But I digress.) Anyway, Milk finally wins office. He's trying to be political, court Dan White but not sell his vote on stupid things. Dan White resigns. (I didn't know that. He resigned. He wanted to rescind it. Moscone wasn't going to let him.) So, he shoots Moscone and Milk. Dan White was a psycho. He's was played perfectly by Josh Brolin who did, in my humble opinion, a so-so job of George W. in "W," Oliver Stone's ridiculous biopic reviewed earlier in this space.

I haven't captured how good this movie is, really. It carefully peoples Milk's world with his lovers (who help show both his strengths and weakness) and co-activists and ordinary other folkds and articulates his influence in a convincing and careful way. It captures an era as well as a man. Go see it.

We also saw "Slumdog Millionaire." This movie is about the joy of overcoming adversity and the embarrassingly random things in life that surround our sordid world. You all have probably heard that the protagonist is on this Indian version of "Who Wants to be A Millionaire." That is the hook to tell his story. The questions and answers relate to his life in that way that makes things seem ordained. But you aren't meant to really buy into the game, particularly. You are meant to see the slums of India, roaming orphans, terrible gangsters, the power of love. When it ends, you are meant to wink a little, shed a tear and dance like a Bollywooder. It was fun although tragic. Not everything will be lovely in life and few slumdogs will win a quiz show, let alone get on one in the first place. Never mind. Love and the indefatigable human spirit triumph.

See both the above movies. Regardless of my weird reviews. (Hope their weren't any spoilers in that last one. It's impossible to spoiler a biopic, isn't it?)

Last night we saw "The Wizard of Oz" at the Alamo only the sound track was Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon. " Dark Side of the Rainbow, they call it. Supposedly the music makes a good sound track for the movie with a lot of synchronicity. (Like "Listen son, said the man with gun..." Scarecrow has a gun.) I didn't drink or drug while watching. It was a trip, though.

I still want to see "Gran Torino" and "Doubt." Maybe "Benjamin Button." Probably "Frost/Nixon." Don't know when I'll get around to all that. We have tix to see a documentary Sunday called "Trinidad" about the town in Colorado that became a major center for transgender surgery.

It is time, however, to do something with my day besides blog. To do something besides think about what I've done and what I'm going to do.

Resolution Revolution

This time of year (meaning the time between Christmas and New Year's Day) my mind turns to resolutions. I'm often energized by this, thinking how resolving and then keeping the resolutions faithfully can make positive changes for me. Other times I think about resolutions past, kept briefly and flung aside. The truth is that I prefer to do things when I'm good and ready or not at all.

So I wrote the paragraph above and then drifted off into old journals looking at old resolution lists and comments about same. I'm none the wiser on the matter, but I have wasted an hour. Well, maybe I stopped to read some other people's journals. Anyway.

I've made lots of resolutions in the past although last year I bailed and said that the year was going to make its own demands for downsizing, organizing, moving. And it did. The year before I recycled resolutions past. Just like stars sometimes coincidentally line up, sometimes you make a resolution and voilà success is thine. I point to the last day of 2002. I weighed 177 pounds. (I recorded my weight at the bottom of my journal then so as not to attract notice but make a record for myself.) I was off of my peak weight by about five pounds since I'd retired a few months before. Topping a long list of resolutions was this: "Lose five pounds. [This is an easy goal, it would seem. The spam says '32 pounds in three weeks' or '12.5 pounds in three days' but, no, my goal is to lose five more pounds and stay there.]" On May 21 of 2003, I reported "I'm at about 165. So I continue to hear lower weights from the scale. Ever so slowly. Maybe I can at least keep off these fifteen pounds I've lost over the last eight months. More importantly I'm feeling better and my joints are feeling much better." After I wrote that, I continued to lose weight then bounced up some and settled in to a weight just below 165 where I remain today. But it was a miracle. I'd resolved to lose five pounds, exercise and eat more healthily time and again. The resolving didn't have anything to do with it. Rather it was a confluence of a real desire to exercise and the time to do it.

Yes, I've made many resolutions. From drinking more water to standbys like writing, organizing, cleaning. From the puzzling (learn to play Bridge, ride the bus and write about it) to the altruistic (find an appropriate volunteer activity) to the boring (learn more about photography, read more books, learn Windows programming). But what good have they done me? Not much.

So, I think I'll take a different approach this year. I'm still formulating it, but it's going to take the form of a general commitment and a protean list. More tomorrow.

[I'll not be making a resolution about doing more shop window pictures nor doing more to make them an 'art.' They take care of themselves, don't they? Today's was taken in the shopping center with Alamo South at a place called, I think, Let's Dish. They have great windows. We walked down there to see a movie. "Slumdog Millionaire" to be exact. I'll do a movie review entry before Holidailies is over. Really.]

The Ravages of Time

Well, that's that...2007. Gone. Time changes everything. This is the last of the 'required' Holidailies entries. I suspect the 'every day without fail' Visible Woman will drift away again. Today I'm showing a photo of a shelf in an artist's studio I took in May 2004. As opposed to fireworks or champagne bubbles. I didn't take pictures like that last night because we slipped out of the party circuit at a reasonable hour to sit and watch Dick Clark's special. Uh, yeah, the ravages of time. I guess I hadn't been paying attention to Dick. When did he have that stroke? Anyway, he's fighting back. That's all we can ask of people in the battle you can't win. Life. The battle you can't win. Ha. I'm in a good mood on this first day of 2008, huh?

I always feel bad about time slipping away on the first day of the year. See here from last year.

Well, let's see, I'm not making resolutions. And I'm not doing anything to get a jump start on the year. Maybe I could reprise something I wrote before. Yeah, how about this...I made resolutions for other people a couple of years ago. Yeah, January 2006. I refused to resolve then and preceded to resolve for those near and far from me the following:

• Whatever your political affiliation is, do not act like your party is good and the other is evil. All politicians are evil. In direct proportion to their power. With exceptions of course. But they cross party boundaries. Think independently about people and politics. It would do the country a world of good. It would do the world a country of good. Whatever.
• Don't expect me to jump when you are ready to do something. I'm happy to make plans with people and I reply to social invitations, commit to them and attend if death or serious events don't detain me. Mr. Morris complained about people failing to RSVP and to attend to invitations. I know this isn't going to change. I deal with it with statistical analysis (large events) and frequent reminders (small events). But don't expect me to be on a string for your last minute activities. Sure, call and let's do something. But don't be surprised if I'm not in the mood.
• Take fifty percent of the responsibility for keeping up our friendship (if, you know, we have one...otherwise ignore this or apply it to your own friends). I'm happy to be the instigator some of the time. But if it's always me writing, calling, planning and always you hedging, equivocating, waiting for a better offer then one day I'll get tired. There are exceptions, of course. Some of you I will keep seeing even though I know I'll always be making the call. You know who you are. (Only I don't think any of them read this!) [Ed. Note: Some of the people reading this are the best at holding up half or more of the relationship. You know who you are. Thanks.]
  
• If you read my journal, remember a few things about this means of communication. Don't be smug because you know all this stuff about me. (I wrote it for the whole world after all. Duh.) Don't corner me at a party and act like you are a brilliant researcher who uncovered things about me on the WEB. If you want to talk about something in the journal, admit that you read it in the journal. Don't act like we had a conversation about it. I'm forgetful and it makes me crazy. And if you are my friend and are reading this, remember that you may be getting all you want of me but I may not know what's going on with you. It's a one way street. We aren't really keeping up with each other. And it's kind of spooky in a way. I know all about it because I read journals that others write. I know some of them personally. But I know that I feel way closer to them than I have any real right to feel whether I've met them or not.

Yeah. That still feels good. Not an accomplishment exactly. Just some recycled words. I am feeling a bit of a failure today, but it will pass. And I am inordinately happy with a few things. Like the fact that my health seems good and, unlike last year, my dad's health, while not great, is good enough that I don't have to go over there and take care of him today. And FFP was cleaning out his sock drawer and he didn't want a couple of pairs of socks that I kept and wore the last two days and they are very cool. Being inordinately happy is what it's all about. Maybe that should be my resolution: be happy without reason! Not that we don't have many, many things to be thankful for. Really we just have to embrace the things that are good.

No Resolutions! None!

Today's photo was taken yesterday on Second Street. It's really a portrait of a friend of mine. You can see her back in the striped shirt if you blow the picture up by clicking. This is as close to getting a picture taken as she likes to get.

This is the penultimate day of Holidailies. Which I like. Because of the opportunity to use the word penultimate if for no other reason. That's one reason I write. I love words. Today's writing prompt is "For 2008, I resolve ..." but we all know I need no prompts to write. Er type. (I used to have a feature on my online journal in days of yore called 'Just Typing!')

No. Resolutions. For 2008. None will be necessary, you see. It is going to be a year that pulls me along through already promised actions and firmly-made commitments. We are buying a different, very much smaller place to live. We have to fix up our current place and sell it. We are committed to caring for our parents and they will hopefully celebrate their 88th, 92nd and 98th birthdays. They need us to look into things. The IRS and other taxing authorities have commitments lined out for us. I will follow my commitments from day to day, dutifully doing my best to fulfill them with ample reminders from real estate entities, the governments and my dad and in-laws.

Oh, I've made resolutions in the past. And even relentlessly tracked my so-called progress against those goals.

Last year, I decided to just recycle some resolutions. That itself says something. I then proceeded to examine the ones I thought I should try to give attention to. There was exercise. There was the save money thing. The old 'write more' illusion. Lots of talk and little doing.

This year I have to do more and talk (write) less. I'm afraid I'll be forced to. Now...off to the gym before they close early for the holiday.

Delusions

The picture is a reflection of South Congress in the window of an art gallery showing a painting which gives the illusion of water color and tissue paper over a mundane photo of a street.

Before I retired I envisioned that retirement would be a certain way. Some things panned out. Others, not so much.

I thought I'd exercise and play tennis. This has become true. I never think I do enough activity but the truth is that my regime has made me fitter. I feel it, for sure.

I thought I'd worry about money with no regular influx from the man and having to pay health insurance and so forth. I spend time managing money, but I don't worry.

I thought I'd do drug studies. No, really. I used to read those ads and think "that is the way to pick up a little money in retirement." That is so silly, I can't believe I entertained it for a second. I hate taking an Advil for a headache. (One of the big things that has bothered me about my stupid floating aches and pains in my mouth is my temptation to take Advil for it.) I don't like taking vitamins and try to get stuff in my food. I think time will cure anything. Most studies require that you stay in the facility some of the time and show up for appointments. With my social schedule? Plus...I've noticed that many, many of these studies have an age cut-off of 55. Hello?

So, yeah, no drug studies.

I wasn't delusional about taking contract work. Every time someone has approached me I have assessed whether there is no possibility of me taking it (when it was going to be a long involved engagement in a morass of politics or was out of my ability range) and recommended someone else. When I thought I might take it, I was very clear on the parameters, gave my free advice (and totally worth it) freely and somehow avoided ever having to really turn down a contract. (I got some good lunches, though, and had interesting discussions.)

I thought I'd do more volunteer work. I really haven't although I have been sucked into a rabbit hole of the board of my club. Must find a way out of that one.

I thought I would write novels, screenplays and short stories. I thought I might even participate in making movies. I have blogged.

I thought I'd do something with my photography of shop windows and my interest in collage. I have posted photos of shop windows and computer collages on my blog.

I thought I'd get all my possessions in order, organized and labeled, neatly arranged and easily accessible. I thought the house would look neat and artful at all times. In spite of the fact that I'm facing a great downsizing (which I didn't really anticipate in 2002) I'm surrounded by piles and stacks of stuff that needs to be, well, organized and labeled. Or discarded. I think we have gotten rid of a room full of stuff (scores of cubic feet). But you wouldn't know it to look around here.

I thought I would play Bridge. Ha. I thought I would cook more. And eat more healthy foods. Ha. Ha. I thought I'd do some interesting things with the computer. Other than editing pictures for the blog and blogging. Ha.

I never set out to blog or try to read all the newspapers that show up at this house or to get better at working crossword puzzles. But there you go.

I'll Never Be a Cook

This is my lunch. As elaborate as the sesame tofu and roasted root vegetables look, don't be fooled. Central Market chefs prepared it. I microwaved a portion. I didn't even shop for it or get it out of the refrigerator! I'm so much not a cook, that I don't even shop for food, usually. No. FFP has to shop for his mother anyway so he usually buys all the groceries. I add a few bulk things from the occasional Costco run.

So my new downsizing mantra is this: all you need for your culinary lifestyle is a good sauce pan (primarily for boiling eggs), a good sauté pan, a microwave, a toaster and lots and lots of glassware. The rest of it can go. Of course, we will keep a few other pots and pans and baking dishes. But, let's be honest about our lifestyle. And, yes, I know about all my determination to cook more in retirement. Let's just say I've gone better at almost every other goal.

Goals, To Dos, Resolutions

I'm all about goals. I make 'to do' lists. I am the queen of the New Year's Resolution and the random time of the year resolution as well. But I'm kind of fractured and all over the place in execution. As I say on the tennis court: "Good idea; poor execution."

I've been trying to get into better shape and stay that way. (I was trying to lose weight, too, but see here.) I made this pact to try to do 45+10+10 in the gym. That means a 45 minute aerobic thing like the stationary bike. (Actually not like the stationary bike but exactly that machine.) Then 10 sets of weight conditioning things. Then 10 minutes on some other aerobic thing (like the treadmill or rowing machine). Now I actually feel like I'm in pretty good shape and this goal is helping. But sometime I just go to the club, play tennis and come home without doing anything in the gym. Or I go to water aerobics and then a tennis workout and figure "that's it." It's not that these things aren't a little exercise. But they aren't my goals. Today after tennis, I ate a taco, drank a smoothie and then did over 45 minutes on the bike. While reading down the newspaper pile. Another goal. But after five or so sets of weight work I just gave it up. It's all about the striving after all.

The fractured picture was taken in the Guinness tourist attraction in Dublin in 2004. (One will find on the permanent 'to do' list: organize photos in the computer.)

Am I better off with unmet goals, broken resolutions and long lists of undone 'to dos' than if I just stumbled along through life as it came? Can't say. But I know myself. I'll keep making lists and making promises to myself. And hoping the half measures add up to something in the end.