Danger!

The world is full of danger. It's much safer here in Austin, Texas than in, say, the Syrian city of Homs where two journalists were killed today. But Sunday a driver under the influence of something jumped the curb and killed a man and critically injured a woman on Guadalupe a couple of miles from here. We are hyper-alert when we walk, but danger always comes out of left field, doesn't it?

I find I'm in the best mood when I don't over think being safe and just accept that death and/or destruction will find me. One just has to do the best one can to stay safe and healthy and then just admire the way the world operates. Randomly within limits we don't always understand. When I realize how safe I am and yet how each and everyone and every thing is vulnerable, I can embrace the little delights like shop window photos, meals, museums and the people around me with the respect they deserve.

And to think...I haven't even read the obituaries today.

[Today's photo is a reflection on SoCo at the Parts and Labor store with the logo of Shark Attack Media.]

Quit Whining and Pay Attention

It's been a surreal fall. Tomorrow I go to court for my dad's will probate and I was thinking "Life will somehow be 'normal' when I've gotten all that taken care of." Yeah, sure. Life is never 'normal.' It's always FUBAR. Anything else is an illusion. You just have to take the blows, feint left or right, dodge, go on.

FFP sent out an e-mail saying his latest surgery didn't find cancer. Yeah, we are happy and thinking about being festive and such. Someone replied that their journey was taking a different turn, toward hospice. And then we saw in the paper that our friend died on Sunday. I heard that my aunt had a fall. Don't know where that's going but they took her to a big hospital in Dallas from the suburb where they are living. Fortunately she's near Dallas, near my cousin. She doesn't have children, just nieces and nephews. So I'm glad my cousin's wife is there to help her husband. And her.

I have a feeling that I have got to quit whining and pay attention to things. But, of course, I feel like celebrating FFP's good news of the day. (The permanent sections confirm: no cancer in the thyroid. Turns out the tumor on his eyelid was the only thing that was cancerous.) I told him that for Christmas I wanted to dine in nice restaurants and he made a reservation for tonight at one of the best. Now, of course, I'm worrying about other people. Those not so lucky. But you just go on. You do. Grabbing what joy you can. Whining when you have no right and not paying proper attention to your duties. Fact is, we walked to a place for breakfast this morning and while crossing Congress, solidly in the crosswalk with a walk signal, a guy ran the light, managing to stop only after getting well through the intersection. FFP alertly grabbed my arm and we halted as he passed a few feet in front. I really, really have to try to pay attention even as I keep whining.

We took cabs back and forth to Jeffrey's last night so we could both drink and had delightful food and wine. We are lucky. No whining. Awareness.

Restraints

A lot of people, I'll bet, look forward to retirement as a time of freedom. I know I had images of doing lots of traveling without worrying about 'vacation days,' of reading and writing in coffee shops, of learning new things unhampered by the need to spend time learning things at work that I'd often soon find were useless (including the organization chart and how to navigate it). I envisioned myself totally in control of my finances and with all my stuff organized so it would be useful to me. I thought I'd be more useful to society in general and those around me than when I was committed to the 9-5. I saw myself doing exercise programs, playing tennis and playing Bridge. I saw myself well-informed, reading lots of books and three newspapers a day.

Life creates restraints, however, and working for a living is just one of them. Your health and the health of the people you are responsible for curtails what you might do. Once you commit to some activity, too, whether it's tennis or a commitment to yourself to do so many sit-ups a week, that's time you can't commit to something else. You have to budget every hour you spend. Looking at your investments? Then you aren't writing. Or reading. Or getting your house in order. Want to take a vacation? Still you have to plan it around your other commitments. Yeah, we have planned to take five days out of town in 2008. How can it be that we are missing two charity events we probably should have participated in and also having to get someone to take my dad for medical stuff. Five days. Geez.

And we aren't the people we used to be. We retired early but we are still too old to take up mountain climbing. Too old in fact to learn too many new tricks. But, one day, I hope you find me budgeting a morning a week to sit in a downtown coffee shop near my new home and drink coffee and read and write and watch the people go by.

A Question of Fashion

Trends come and go, don't they? What's shiny and new becomes dated and useless. We built an entertainment room in 1994. Now the cabinet for the TV (sized for an old school 36 inch set) dates the whole arrangement. Inside the cabinet is equipment for playing CDs and DVDs (but no Blu-Ray or that other thing). Also: a turntable, a cassette deck, a Laser Disk player. The DVD player also accepts VHS tapes. (No Beta either. That would be rich.) I remember when cassettes and video tape and Laser Disks were shiny new technology. Heck, I remember the first time I got a color TV.

I am tossing cassette tapes left and right. Yes, I could play them in the big room. Yes, I have a portable cassette player (Walkman??) somewhere. And, yes, I can still play them in my car. So right now I've parked a bunch of books on tape and language tapes in my car. Because I'm going to listen "one last time" and then give them away. Or so I say.

Clothes go in and out of fashion. I tend to latch on when a trend comes that suits me and wear the clothes right through until the next time someone thinks to recycle it. Tailored suits for business wear. Tuxedo-look for black tie. For all the dictates of fashion, people and their clothes are very closely tied emotionally.

I think fashion and appliances is a hoot, too. Everyone wants stainless now, sure. But will white be in again one day? Or will everyone go to custom-faced Sub Zeros? Or will we have a retro look with what looks like a big compressor atop an old school frig really being a personal beer keg?

I had a really weird day yesterday. Rather than continuing the sorting and such we shoved things back into closets and drawers and cabinets so some friends could see how big the rooms were. It made me realize that we still have miles to go to get through all the stuff. We have gotten rid of so much. How can we have so far to go? I also continue to be amazed at all the spots around the house where old screws, nuts, bolts, pens and pencils, buttons, coins, keys, scissors, letter openers, clips, and small metal or plastic pieces of unknown origin lurk. And I'm starting to ask questions like "how many denim shirts do I really need?"

The weirdness of the day multiplied after our friends visited. I decided I could get a quick workout before a meeting. I pushed the opener for the garage door on my side and a cable severed and the spring flew to the other side of the garage. Fortunately there was nothing there...FFP's car was outside. After FFP and I assessed the damage and he called our garage door guy, I headed to the club. But on 45th Street a line of cars was stopped for some reason and the guy behind me didn't stop in time. No serious damage to me or the car, but the time it took for me to get his info just in case made me turn around and go home. I've been deterred by one thing and another from my regular exercise (except for tennis which I don't count) lately. That will be rectified tomorrow, though. Barring unforeseen circumstances. As they say.

Today's entry is disjoint and weird, too. That's the great thing about blogging, though. Especially when you discipline yourself to do it every day. Every single entry doesn't need to be a gem. Does it?