Aimless

I had a Christmas List (which was a combination of goals and stuff). In the past I've made lists of resolutions (both for the holidays and the new year). And I made 'to do' lists all the time. Posting every day on Holidailies was not included on any of these. Not this year certainly. Probably not in the past. It was something I tried to do once I'd signed up. Failed a couple of times this year, though. Like yesterday.

Yesterday was actually a pretty nice if not productive day. I goofed off working puzzles and watching TV and we walked to have lunch and buy YAB (yet another book) on South Congress. In the evening we walked to Rainey Street and attended a party for New Year's Eve Eve. A warm-up to the over-hyped day that included drinks but no champagne toasts. There were snacks and a lot of friends to visit with. Met a few new people, too. One who swore she knew me from somewhere.

We were home by 10:30 including the walk back. The weather is turning sharply colder today, but yesterday it was still tolerable. For the earlier walk, I was in shirt sleeves at one point. A sweater and jacket and a muffler kept me toasty in the evening. We are going out tonight, to return before midnight, and I think I'll riffle through the extra closet for my overcoat. The temperature promises to be close to freezing and the wind gusty. We are only walking about five blocks, however.

One of the things on my 'to do' list, amidst the tax forms to work on, our business checks and bills, etc. is making display thumbnails for the slides I digitized for my aunt. This has made me sort of sad and nostalgic on her behalf. She is in a retirement apartment, tethered to an oxygen source. Fluid has to be drained from around her lungs three times a week. But here she is, on the left, greeting her two older sisters (next to her) and another woman after they landed in their PanAm plane. Dressed in suits and hats for travel. The aunts are gone now. She was in Hawaii in the Navy. I'm sure the woman on the right was a Navy buddy.

Time does fly. And 2017 is fast-disappearing. I need to shower and get ready to go out tonight.

All I Want For Christmas

Earlier in the month, I wrote an email to FFP with a sort of facetious Christmas list. But it was also kind of true.

• Some nice bar soap.
• A French word-a-day calendar
• A drive to Dallas to see Anna again give her some pictures I scanned (or show them to her electronically). We can go some off day after Christmas or New Year or ?
• Do a jigsaw puzzle (I have one I think)
• Put together a Lego (have it)
• Get all the newspapers out of my stacks (will require time and dedication)
• Have a couple of nice meals (Lenoir? Counter 357? Wu Chow?)
• See some movies at VC or Alamo and watch some vids (Giant? new Crown?)
• Go to some jazz shows
• Do our annual visit or visits to Armadillo Bazaar and see Christine or ?
• Go to Headliners or Austin Club for drinks
• Do some more clean-up, clean-out of closets, cabinets, storage, etc.
• Some long walks on days nicer than today

He has a gift bag for me. It's from a boutique on 2nd Street called Mercury. I'm sure it has some nice soap in it. Am I becoming an old lady or what?

He bought me a French 'Daily Phrases and Culture Calendar' at BookPeople. It's not wrapped or anything. It's here ready for my use. He also got me Sam Shepard's "Spy of the First Person" which I later said I wanted. Maybe I'll read that on Christmas Day. Nothing like the last work of a dying man on Christmas Day. Or New Year's Day perhaps.

The drive to Dallas is still pending. Some of my cousins promise to be around for my aunt and I've been watching the weather.

The puzzle (a secondhand one someone gave me) is out of the closet and coming together. He stayed up late last night working on it. Jigsaw puzzles have many lessons to teach (especially when worked on by multiple people!). 

I have a complicated Christmas Lego. I thought it would make a great decoration, put together. Might be too late on that. Next year!

Maybe I will conquer the newspapers on Christmas Day. Love having time to make it through all the Wall Street Journals, New York Times and our local rag, The Austin American-Statesman. 

We've had a few nice meals, but not at the suggested restaurants so far. We've already been piling in movies. Saw "The Darkest Hour" and "Wonder Wheel" at the Violet Crown. Have streamed and watched some movies on DVD. Maybe we'll get to "Giant" on Christmas Day.

We saw a set of jazz with friends last night and will do the same tomorrow night. We plan to go to the Armadillo Christmas Bazaar and see Christine Albert and Chris Gage tomorrow at noon. Then dinner and the Christmas Show at the Elephant Room for more jazz.

He made reservations to go to the Headliners Club for drinks and dinner on New Year's Eve. We'll do the ringing in at home.

Wouldn't it be nice if I cleaned out some more stuff? Well, at least I haven't acquired too much this holiday season.

We've had some nice walks when the weather permitted. More to come I'm sure before the 'holidays' are officially over.

Meanwhile, my niece sent some actual presents. A book of crossword puzzles, a couple of fun books,

 a page-a-day calendar of strange facts and these shoelaces that you just slide tight and they can never come untied. I'm fearful of losing the exercise I was getting bending over and tying the laces on my hikers. For some reason, they came with these round laces that seem to come untied even when I double knot them. I tested them out today. Perfection! I'm easily pleased.

Real physical presents don't matter. It really is the thought that counts. FFP said all he really wanted (bearing in mind that he already bought new pants, a new leather jacket and I forget what else for himself) was a new floor lamp by his reading chair. We shopped (buy didn't buy) for one today. (FYI: no one is shopping in furniture and lighting stores!)

The One Thing That Connects Us All

Yes, I know I didn't write anything yesterday. Yes, I know. Holidailies has 'dailies' right in there.

At least I'm still here. Did you worry that something had happened to me?

At our age deaths of people we know come frequently. The parents' generation is pretty much exhausted. My dad had five sisters and a brother. He and four of his siblings married. (All one time, no divorces.) Of the twelve people, siblings and in-laws, only my one aunt remains. She was the youngest of all and is 86.

This year we lost a friend to complications after an accident. He was 46. He left behind a partner. We lost another friend at 85. He left behind a younger partner. The husband of a cousin of mine (she died young of breast cancer seventeen years ago) was found dead by one of his twenty-something sons recently. He was in his late 50's I'm guessing. Then we found out the son of a friend was found dead by his wife of an apparent heart attack. He was 48. Our friend lost his son's mother fifteen years ago. We visited with him and his current wife last night. It brings up the question: "Why are we still here?" Everyone dies. Why hasn't it been me? Oh, I'm still relatively young. But people my age, high school classmates, for example, are dying. I read the obituaries to see if we know anyone but also just to see how long people got and what took them (if the answer is there).

Knowing death will come is important. I worry about what I'd leave behind for FFP. What tasks I do for the family housekeeping and finances that I haven't thoroughly explained? What personal effects would lose their meaning and lurk in closets and storage and on my bedside to magnify the.grief? When I lost my parents their belongings looked so forlorn. There wasn't anything worth much but disposal was painful.

I need to plan for the time when I won't be here. It actually comforts me that I won't always be here. But I worry about not leaving things in a tidy bundle when I'm gone. I don't want to be any trouble in my inevitable disappearance. We all die. But first, we experience over and over when others pass.

In 2010, my dad left this tableau in the bathroom by his sink, went to bed, went into afib and had a stroke. I kept the watch in my car for a long time, until the battery ran down because the clock doesn't work in my car. Then I think I threw it in a donation bag.

Tennis

Yes, I know it's Holidailies and I have to eventually get around to writing about the season. But I've been wanting to write about tennis for a while. And I played today so I thought it would be a good time to write about it. I didn't wear throwback tennis wear or play with a wooden racquet but there was a wooden racquet tournament going on so I snapped this picture of our head pro at my club dressed and equipped for the occasion.

I play three days a week usually. Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. Usually from 9 until we finish three social sets. The constant companion in these games (she usually misses only two or three times a year) is an 86-year-old woman. We play social doubles according to rules she's established. Over the years I've played other social games (singles and doubles) and casual leagues. I enjoy watching tennis. I like to read about tennis and have a small collection of classic books on the subject.

I also like to occasionally reread a John McPhee two-article from the New Yorker, published in 1969 about Arthur Ashe and Clark Graebner called "Levels of the Game." It was also published as a book which I don't believe I own. Maybe I should own it. (And, by the way, David Foster Wallace's annotated copy of McPhee's book is housed at the Harry Ransom Center at UT.)

While I love tennis, I wouldn't say I'm addicted to it. I would say I'm addicted to puzzles, coffee, and cheese. Maybe other stuff. I'll get to addictions as a topic this month. Have a need to explore that, too.

I restrict myself to watching mostly Grand Slams on TV. But I do watch many hours during these four two-week periods. I'm happy to take a vacation and skip tennis while gone. But it is something I wouldn't like to give up entirely. Playing these regular games gets me out of the apartment, outside and moving a bit. (I wouldn't really call it exercise. But I try to trot after the ball both when it's in play and not. And there is at least some bending and stretching.) I enjoy looking at the sky, observing the weather. (Something I also enjoy during walks, another favorite activity.) I enjoy seeing glimpses of activity around the courts, seeing an occasional hawk fly by or peacocks wandering from a nearby park. I enjoy observing the foibles of the ladies who play with me, both to win points against them (Don't like your backhand? I'll try to hit to it.) and just to observe their habits. There are the ladies who always foot fault (we give that a pass in our games). There is the lady that stands mere inches from the service court when her partner is receiving. On changeovers, I enjoy hearing about things I don't have in my life. Children, Bridge, mahjong, debutante dances, Sorority and Fraternity activities. The latter two are for the kids as well. We don't play with really young people. We play with some ladies younger than I by around twenty years, though.

Tennis, as casual as my play and attention to the sport is, remains one of my favorite activities. I hope I never have to give it up.

Welcome Back to the Stacks

It's December 1. I haven't posted on this blog since January 1. I was participating in Holidailies then and I'm doing it again this year. Who even writes blogs these days? Well, a number of people do, I suppose. So far, thirty-four have signed up for Holidailies. And we are loading a picture a day (with a brief bit of verbiage most days) on Austin, Texas Daily Photo and have been for over ten years. But the Visible Woman? She's been invisible.

I think about writing (either in a blog or a private journal or maybe working on the memoirs and novels in my head). But, when I'm not at my computer, I think: I'll just 'conquer this pile of newspapers' and then I'll go in there and write or even just write on my phone or iPad which are right beside me often. When I'm in my easy chair (as I too often am these days), a little table is to my right. (See above.) There is a coaster (barely visible) for my coffee or water. And, too often, there is that teetering pile of newspapers. I don't want to toss them into recycling until I've checked out the contents. Also, all too often, the first section I pick up has an especially intriguing article. That happened today. I allowed myself to look through the NY Times Arts Sections for today (there are two on Friday) and to try to work the Ken-Ken and crossword. (Couldn't quite finish the latter.) Then I determinably started through the pile beginning with yesterday's papers. This special section, a part of a series on end of life, caught me right away. I had to read it to the end. I had to find it online. Not just for the permalink for this entry but to view the pictures on the computer.

And the stack of newspapers is hardly diminished. And all the rest of today's Times, the local rag (The American-Statesman) and today's Wall Street Journal are piled on the dining room table where my husband has perhaps rifled through Op-Eds, obituaries and some sports.

But today I have decided to write something. A first Holidailies entry of the season. I intend to blog every day through January 1. But if you read the article above and ponder the story of the Japanese woman with her auto-biography typed up, ready to probably be incinerated when she dies, you may wonder why any of us write anything. And yet we persist. And, yes, I still intend to conquer that pile of papers (and another one set aside in a basket across the room) and a pile of magazines. Return and see how I do and thanks for reading.

Holiday Resolutions...Results are In!

Above: the sum total of our Christmas decorations with the tiny tree dwarfed by our presents to each other. (If you don't count our display of holiday cards.)

Before Holidailies began I made some Holiday Resolutions in this space. So it's time to review them now that the holidays are drawing to a close. See? Another great thing about holiday resolutions (as opposed to New Year's ones) is that the results are in soon enough. A year is too long a time to give yourself. I can sit here today (a rainy New Year's Day with temperatures in the 40's at best) and review them and be done and dusted of resolutions.

So here's my assessment based on the promises made in the above link:

• I have steered clear of the malls, the big box stores, etc. I probably need a trip to Costco some time after January 10 or so to stock up on cheese and some paper goods. And maybe even pick up a new gadget or two. (Or not.) In all honesty I don't really usually shop malls and big box stores. Make resolutions you can keep I say.
• We shopped independent stores. FFP bought me a couple of great books at Book People, the large independent book store that is a short walk from us. (They are in the package above before the Christmas Eve unwrapping.) I have started to dip into both of them: "Invictus" by John Carlin and "When Paris Went Dark" by Ronald Rosbottom. Both going to be great reads.I bought him a tie. I know, trite. However. I bought it at an independent clothing store downtown. I walked over there. AND I bought it off a mannequin in the window. FFP admired it one day when we were walking by. And I remembered. It was the only one they had exactly like that. He liked it and spent a bunch of time matching it to shirts and jackets. He loves clothes. We also shopped at his favorite store, an independent clothing store not far but not walkable, where he got a new suit, a new leather jacket and we both got new belts. He bought some sweaters at a chain store but at least it was one he could walk to! He bought a new hat (the kind golfers and hip musicians wear) at Goorin Brothers and while it's a national brand they are a very old (100+ years plus) hat maker. They have a single Texas store on South Congress. And yes, we walked there. We bought more books at South Congress Books as gifts to ourselves. This is a regular stop on one of our walks. I got two catalogs form Lance Letsher shows at a French gallery for myself. While I sort of gave in on the decorations (see below and above) we did shop for the tiny tree and its 'ornaments' at Toy Joy, a short walk over on Second Street from our apartment. So yeah we were jolly elves to ourselves but shopped pretty much independent and in the 'hood. We also bought libations for friends at Austin Wine Merchant, a great wine and liquor store in our neighborhood. (We can, in fact, walk to five or six liquor stores and several more places where wine and beer is available.)
• I forgave myself for the crass gift of money to relatives. In point of fact I ended up purchasing some actual gifts as well and sending to my great nephews. However, my niece gave me quite specific directions. (Next year I'm going to buy a Lego toy for myself and put it together over the holidays. Maybe.)
• I refrained from anything resembling a Santa or Elf Costume. I did wear my ancient red blazer to several parties. As festive as I got. How old is it? Well, I'm not sure, but it's probably twenty years old. When people complimented me on it, I said it was vintage but that I bought it when it was new! 
• I did not cook a turkey or a ham. I graciously ate the (pre-cooked) one our Thanksgiving hosts provided. I did cook up some sausages and bacon in the microwave, (something I almost never do) as special holiday breakfast treats.
• I spent not one iota of interest on the arguments over religion during the holiday. I noticed, with some amusement, that a nativity scene was place at the Capitol briefly and some believers in separation of church and state were offended. I was offended by nothing anyone did and enjoyed all the jolly trees and people's celebrations of Christmas and Hanukkah on facebook. We were not invited to the Winter Solstice party. We used to get invited but I guess we were not good enough guests. Or pagan enough. In any case, it was one more night that we had to ourselves to enjoy our calm holiday.
• I didn't decorate too much. FFP wanted a tree so we bought the one above and added tiny bats, flamingos, etc to decorate it. Got it at ToyJoy as mentioned above. I didn't drag out my bendable, posable holiday collection and other decorations from the depths of my storage cage. The one Santa above got left out after the last Christmas the bendable guys were up here. The several ornaments around him are ones we received over the holidays.
• I thoroughly enjoyed the decorations of others. There are several examples on our Austin Daily Photo blog. People go to so much trouble and I enjoy it. We didn't go driving around to look at lights, however.
• We ate at several great restaurants and enjoyed parties. We even gave a dinner party for an (early) New Year's Eve dinner. We tried out a new restaurant and went to some tried and true ones, too. Didn't do Threadgill's (or any other place) on actual Christmas Day. Stayed in and had whatever we pleased from a stocked frig. 
• We did see some movies. Well, one at the theater around the corner (Violet Crown) which was "Foxcatcher." Good but disturbing movie. We watched a DVD of "Gone with the Wind" and one of "Jezebel" and also watched the Christmas scene and a few others from "Giant."
• We enjoyed the parties. Even though we didn't give a party we treated a couple of people to dinners and hosted a small party in a restaurant early on NYE as mentioned above. Maybe next year I'll give a party but probably not. The ones we attended were outstanding. Our dinner party was flawless with great conversation from very interesting guests.

Now that was simple wasn't it? Holiday or New Year's...I think the secret to resolutions is making ones you can certainly keep!

Lastly, for this holiday wrap-up, I bring you my assessment of the ritual holiday cards. As mentioned here I did not send cards this year but rather replied to the ones I received. But only the ones that were from individuals (not businesses or Realtors or brokers or charities). In the end I received two from people I could not remember knowing including two copies of one of them. FFP remembered being asked a favor by one of them. Didn't reply to those either. How could you write a personal note to someone you can't remember anything about? I also did not reply to one from one half of a couple who divorced. Didn't have it in me to write a note.

So...we received 22 cards from businesses, charities, brokers, etc. I got 56 from individuals who made the cut to reply to although two were from relatives that I had actually sent cards to before Thanksgiving with Christmas money in them. A lot of them were simple matte or glossy cards with family pictures. Some included those letters summing up the year in some fashion. One was only said letter but it was illustrated. Some were simply seasonal art or photos. There were snow scenes, snowmen, a Matisse chapel cut out card, the three wise men, doves, dogs, cats, ornaments, owls, Santas, wreaths, penguins, snowflakes, trees, birds, A few wrote a substantial personal note in actual handwriting expressing more or less heartfelt desires to see us in person or wish us well. I sent 57 cards including the three preemptive ones to relatives. (Two later sent me one and one had a form letter describing the year and another had a picture of the kid and a hand-written thanks for the money. One just sent a thank you, I think.) So I have a stack of paper and cardboard with glitter drifting from some of them. I'll keep them for a bit and then they will hit the trash or recycling bin. I'll save a few pictures. All in all, I enjoyed them and I've given the Matisse one a place of honor on my shelf.

Endings. And this ends Holidailies, too. Hope you enjoyed it. I have. But now I have one less duty of a morning and can do some other tasks around here. Or, you know, sit in my chair and stare dreamily out the window.

A Most Surprising Year

My husband squatting down to open a present the first Christmas we were married (1976). My brother-in-law's parents are in the background. This is the same Christmas pictured here in one of my earlier Holidailies entries.

Looking back at 2014...it was so predictable. We planned trips, we took them and they pretty much went as planned. Amazingly so. The world was a mess. Wars and terror and accidents and protests and politics. We continued our retirement occupations, FFP writing for a neighborhood newspaper, me playing tennis. We socialized. FFP gave up a couple of obligations to non-profits. We took our walks, went to the gym but not often enough, maintained our Austin daily photo blog. We socialized, we met some new people and caught up with old friends. People died that we knew, People we knew had children. Time marched on but our lives stayed inside the lines. Not a bad thing. But not so interesting.

Now in 1976, 38 years ago, my life was full of change. I'd moved to Austin in late 1975 to take a job. I was single and ready for adventure. I interviewed for a job in Wisconsin I think. It had been three years since I'd returned from my 'tramping around Europe' adventure and I was ready for something new. I'd taken the job in Austin and met FFP shortly after arriving around Thanksgiving 1975. We started seeing the town as I prepared for a job that involved a lot of travel. I rented a P.O. drawer to hold mail while I was gone. I had a small apartment. I started the traveling. We impulsively decided to get married and squeezed in a JP wedding in the living room of his little house between our work obligations. So in 1976 I turned 28 and found myself married. Between my work travels we went to work together (he worked at the same company) and socialized with his vast network of friends. I sadly don't remember much about Christmas 1976 but since my mom shot these pictures I'm thinking that we went to my parents' house (in Mesquite, near Dallas) and had Christmas. FFP had the long hair of the day. It was not at all gray. He could still squat down AND get back up. The year had been full of changes. Life seemed to be going by at a dizzying speed. And it would just continue. FFP would start a business in 1977 and I would change jobs. Then we would buy a bigger house.

Now the years are less packed with changes since we made the move downtown and lost all our parental units. And, honestly, that's not so bad!

Holidailies is drawing to a close. I'll post tomorrow with a wrap-up on how I did on my holiday resolutions and also with a wrap up of the holiday cards I've received. (Of course, there are always some late entries.) Then I will doubtless start disappearing from this space again if form holds. It has been sort of fun through December to impose this duty on myself to at least sit down and type during the day some time. I also allowed myself to read other blogs, particularly Bev Syke's "Funny the World" and that's been a pleasure. I've dipped into her blog over the years and feel like I sort of know her although we have never met.

Looking Back

This is a photo taken in Spring 1949. That's my aunt in the shorts and saddle oxfords. She is 17. That's me on her lap, not yet one. The swing was on our farm in a very large Pecan tree.The field behind us belonged to us (or, actually, my granddad as did the whole farm and house). I think I see some cattle out there. Looking back over sixty-five years. I worshiped this aunt, but I'm so small here that I don't think I'm very sure of her as yet. I have that dark hair like my mother. It is weird but I can almost recognize this baby in this blurry picture as me. I remember the swing from later when it was still there and I could swing on it myself. My aunt looks young but the face is definitely hers. She is the only one of my dad and his siblings still alive. She's recovering from a shoulder replacement and the fall that precipitated it. She sounded good on the phone a couple of days ago.

The end of the year is a time for looking back, isn't it? I've been fumbling through old pictures and scanning them. I got this one out of a decaying photo album of my mother's a few years ago and put it and the other pictures in these non-reactive sleeves.I'd never noticed the saddle oxfords until I was processing this scan.

Taking stock of 2014 I'm thinking that I failed to accomplish much. But I did scan this picture and discover those shoes. And that's something.

To Nog or Not

Photograph on left by Maja Nipper (all rights reserved). Painting on right by Shanny Lott (all rights reserved). So don't use the composite of my shelf either. I don't ask for forbearance often.

As the days of Holidailies have rolled along I've become more and more dependent on Holidailies for an inspiring prompt. Today they offer:

Eggnog - yes or no? Do you have a favorite recipe? Alternatively, what is your favorite holiday drink?

Here's my take on eggnog:

1. If you make some, I'll have a taste. (FFP can't have the milk and cream.)
2. But please use Bourbon.
3. I love that scene in 'Giant' where Bob asks Bick if he makes 'it'  himself. Turns out Bob is talking about the liquor not the eggnog recipe.

My favorite any time drink is a Manhattan. Preferably with Rye Whiskey but a Bourbon will do. At Christmas you should be drinking dark liquor for cold weather (in the Northern Hemisphere anyway). Not that I'm preaching about what you should drink. On Facebook I'm famous among my buddies for taking pictures of my drinks especially the Manhattans. I am somewhat of a connoisseur of them although I can't really consume enough alcohol to become an 'expert'. The painting above on my shelf was done by my friend Shanny Lott in honor of my obsession. Next to it is a picture of my dad, taken the last week of his life, sipping a little whiskey.

My mom used to like to buy the prepackaged eggnog at Christmas and Dad would spike it up. Haven't touched it lately. 

Now every Christmas I manage to have some Bloody Marys, too. It's a tradition at the noon time day before Christmas Eve party at our downtown club. And FFP likes to have one occasionally at home especially this time of year. The vitamin C in the tomato juice helps with all the other drinking!

As for 'Giant' I just found the DVDs and queued up the Christmas scene on side B. Watching that long movie is sort of a Christmas tradition around here, too. And so I say...Cheers!

Acts of Kindness

Today's Holidailies prompt is about random acts of kindness. I don't know that I do many of those. My mom did, though. As I mentioned a few days ago in this post my mom was a very kind and thoughtful person, always doing for others and celebrating family and friends. The Christmas that she entertained not only her grand kids but my cousin's little kids and made stockings (and doubtless found little gifts for them) was but one example. This is my cousin's son. I snapped a Polaroid of him carefully unpacking his stocking that Christmas. I found the original Polaroid the other day. On the back my mom had noted that she was ordering two copies. (You could send your instant prints off to the company to be copied.) So she probably ordered a print for herself and one for her nephew who is this little guy's father. Indeed, she had purchased that Polaroid camera for me when I was in high school. I will never know how she found enough money to do it. (See this entry.)

Thanks, Mom, for showing me how to care about others. Maybe I will do some random acts of kindness in the coming days.I have lots more resources than my mom ever did if only I had her heart.

It's a Racket

No, it hasn't snowed in Austin this winter. But a few years ago, it did. 2011 I think. We had some light accumulations and it was still pretty cold. My friend (who was only 80 in this picture) and I got another gal to take our picture with a phone. This clay court had a patch of shade and the snow hadn't melted. We actually played on the one next to it or maybe a hard court. I know we actually played although I don't think there was a fourth victim. This isn't the coldest day we played because...no mufflers or gloves.

We don't get a lot of snow in Austin. (Understatement.) Unfortunately for the last few years we haven't gotten enough rain either. The temperatures occasionally get chilly, more rarely actually cold (below freezing) and the wind can bite a bit.

Suffice to say: it's hard for me to give up my tennis game.

The nice lady on the right above organizes a social game every Tuesday/Thursday/Saturday. She's done this a long time with different casts of characters. Most her age have quit the game (of tennis or, you know, the entire game). However, the other Saturday regulars are both older than I as well. I have participated for about 10 years. We try to play three sets of doubles with each partnership. If I'm there I start with this kind lady. We play for two hours or so. We hit a lot of balls. Most points are won when someone makes a mistake rather than by clear winners.

When I'm on the court, a lot of the rest of my life falls away. I concentrate on the balls, my racket, the wind, a leave scurrying across the court, the sky, the trees, the sounds of other games on other courts. It's a microcosm of life with pretty simple rules and yet with infinite possibilities. Yes, I'm moving around a little and that's nice. But, more importantly, it's almost like two hours of meditation. Sure we talk on changeovers of family and errands and all the things outside this space. But during the game one confines oneself to calling the score, apologizing for a bad shot and complimenting someone else's efforts.

Tennis is a comfortable time for me. A special place impervious to what else is going on. When we have a rain out or can't play due to a holiday or because we can't get a foursome, I'm not that disappointed. A break in routine is nice. But once I'm on the court I'm very present in those moments and it feels fantastic.

Today is Enough

I confess. I've been dragging through this holiday season, collecting a few shop window reflections to cheer me up (spiky tree, spiky hair, I love it) but still feeling depressed.

I know the why. It's the root cause of any and all depressions I have. (I don't think my depression is clinical by the way. And not just because I'm a medical nihilist. So I probably should call it sadness or being down or blah.) When I slip into a mode of worrying about accomplishments and things and when I last dusted those things I find that I fall out of true appreciation of life and being centered in it. The more I revel in the taste of my food, the minutiae around me, the conversations I hear then the better I feel. The more I notice my steps and wonder that they are still strong for someone who is over 65 then the more the black cloak yields. The more I notice the bright crisp beautiful day then it seems less heinous that people are rushing about for piles of mindless presents. If I stop to read a paragraph in my books while I dust them and don't rush through other household things but stop and revel in my wonderful possessions in my little apartment and my ability to still climb the ladder and reach the high shelves, then chores seem to fall into their place not as awful duties but as wonderful privileges. Not everyone can climb that ladder.

To this point I read an article in The New York Times: "Abundance Without Attachment." I love two quotes in this article and I'll share them here in case you hate following links.

CHRISTMAS is at our throats again. - Noël Coward

Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and good will, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas. - Calvin Coolidge

The article asserts that we should be happy about abundance if we have it and share it but should also avoid attachment. It is the attachment to money and things that is our downfall. In case you still hate following links I'll outline the three-pronged approach to achieving this.

• First, collect experiences, not things.
• Second, steer clear of excessive usefulness.
• And finally, get to the center of the wheel.

First point is pretty obvious, I think. 

The second means doing things for their own sake rather than as a means to a reward. So we clean for the pleasure of the task. We drive to enjoy the road even though, yes, we are headed somewhere. We read and converse not to get information and use it for success but because reading and conversing are pleasure.

The third means moving from the ups and downs of life to the core thing that you think life is about. Many think this is religious faith. According to this article some churches have a 'wheel of life' decoration in a window with a king at the top, a pauper at the bottom and Jesus in the center. Have to look for that. My center is inhabiting the world in full acknowledgment the chaos and hate but with thankfulness that my basic needs are taken care of and that I have means beyond those needs to help others.  Living with the understanding that everything that swirls around me and irritates me (diseases, politics, bad drivers, heedless bikers, active shooters, terrorists, prejudice, psychosis) is just noise until the day comes that it is my day. If I merely try not to be the instrument of pain for someone else, I will be centered.  If I simply enjoy being in this moment, able to type if not 'write' something, then I have all the peace I want or expect.

That active shooter thing? One block away the morning after Thanksgiving was the closest I've come. There have been close calls while walking and driving. In my 20's a medical condition that could have killed me instead infected my appendix and led to surgery that short stopped it. I have stumbled where a fall would have been horrendous if not fatal. This is where we all exist. On a precipice between life and death, relative health and serious decline. The only way we can live happily is to find the center. 

My center is acknowledgment. Of the tightrope we are on and the fact that one day we all fall and we cannot build the kind of net that will protect us. Which means being cautious but resigned. And enjoying every little moment for itself.

Today is enough. And is, in fact, tremendous. 

Lego is the Topic

I am writing about Legos today. They Holidailies writing prompt has to do with Candle Lighting Day and losses for the year. Last year I could have done something with that prompt. It wasn't working this year. But I saw this entry on another blog in the Holidailies family and decided to write about Legos.

Seems like only yesterday (because it was) that I was talking about construction toys I wanted as a child. Legos didn't make it to the U.S. in time for my childhood passions but later, far after I should have outgrown toys, I became fascinated with them. I often his this passion in the guise of playing with or buying for children. When I downsized, I had many pounds of Lego and I sent almost all of them off to my great nephews. I can't say I regretted it.

But occasionally I really want to play with Legos. I often visit the Lego store when we are in NYC and I bought this 39 piece Statue of Liberty there. (She comes with a spare flame.) They have massive models of Rockefeller Center sights there and I've been to the Times Square Toys 'R Us to see giant Lego models there, too.

I buy Legos for my great nephews and try to just let my coveting of Legos stop at admiring stuff on the Lego site. I almost succumbed to the Simpsons house! I recently rented "The Lego Movie" and I loved it.

What cool toys, right? Of course, I'm not a parent who has to step on little pieces of plastic and try to store all these pieces.

The Joy of the Season

This picture was taken of the window of a shop near us decorated with a 'joy to the world' theme. I like it. I used to collect old globes. Gave them all to charity when I downsized.

A few days ago I talked about letter writing and how I was writing personal notes to people who sent me cards rather than printing up a bunch of cards and mass mailing them perhaps with just a scribbled sentiment. As of yesterday I've already fallen a tiny bit behind. (I have five unanswered cards.) But I'm hopeful that I can keep this up. It is nice to stop and reflect on the folks that have taken the trouble to buy or design and print something, address it, stamp it and entrust it to snail mail.

I hope this activity is making me stop and appreciate the season a little bit. Because it's really about those human connections. Here's a picture of a young couple and their four kids, almost visibly growing as they are photographed. Here's these two guys in front of the Capitol with their dog, here's a Santa card with a nice personal paragraph inside. And so forth. We are making a connection with one another in all our sameness and differences. It's a reason to be happy, isn't it?

Where's The Spirit?

The picture is from 2007. The Capitol tree is lit for this year I'm sure. I haven't been to see it. Maybe tonight. It's less than a mile away.

I'm not feeling it. Christmas, that is. FFP keeps bugging me to give him a hint for a gift. He's picked out for himself a new suit, leather jacket, three sweaters and a belt. I did buy a new belt. He even said he went to Toy Joy (a very silly and fun store that moved to our neighborhood a while ago) looking for something silly to buy me. He didn't find anything. He's picked so much himself that I'm not even inclined to try to surprise him. The last few years I've given him a nice scarf, a link and stud set and a very nice compact umbrella. I have a couple of things I think I could buy him, but I don't know if I will. He's hard to buy for but perhaps not as hard as I am. I keep thinking I'll lose some weight and get fit before I buy new clothes. I have a pile of books I want to read. (I'm currently reading one I bought long ago but never read. It's been adapted into the movie "The Imitation Game" which we saw in the Austin Film Festival.)

But Christmas isn't about presents for oneself, right? One is supposed to want to help others. But my helping others is usually by giving money. And we do that throughout the year. Our causes have pretty well tapped the well by the time the holiday comes. (And yet every day's mail brings several appeals and 'Giving Tuesday' filled my inbox.) I know I could go out and volunteer to physically help someone. Maybe I'm a bad person, but I reserve that kind of activity for friends and family. Perhaps because strangers frighten me. Perhaps because I'm just selfish. It might give me the spirit but it's too hard for me to do.

If the season is supposed to be a religious celebration then I'm also sort of out of luck. My Christian background makes the songs celebrating 'Christ is Born' resonate with the season but my beliefs don't really bring a sense of wonder at god man being born and all that means to many folks. And it seems that few Christians even view the season that way but rather as one of football, food, drink and presents. Which doesn't sound bad to me, of course. Especially the food and drink. But, no. I'm not feeling it.

Letters

Today's writing prompt on Holidailies concerns "World Letter Writing Day" which is tomorrow. The prompt is: "When is the last time you sent (or received) a letter? Write a letter (to anyone or anything you want) and share it with us."

That had me thinking about the early days of ebay, my sister who had a catastrophic health problem around that time and my efforts to entertain her with letters.

Today is my sister's 71st birthday. Shortly after her her 55th birthday she collapsed at her home in Denver from a ruptured aneurysm in her brain, a hemorrhagic stroke. For weeks, she struggled to survive. They repaired the aneurysm and attempted to stop several subsequent ischemic strokes caused by swelling. She survived and learned to walk again although she never regained all the strength and mobility on her right side.

My sister was in rehab hospitals for many months and then home struggling to come back for many more. I was far away. She lived in Denver. I forbade my parents from going to Colorado in the winter so I didn't go either. In March I finally took them to see her.

As my sister progressed I sent lots of get well messages and then, at some point, wanted her to have mail from me that would distract her from her struggles and encourage her to come back to things she loved.

I had discovered the wonders of ebay. I sold a few things, I bought a few things but mostly I was utterly fascinated with the stuff on offer. I would snip out pictures of things for sale. I began in 1999 using these stolen pictures to write letters to my sister illustrated with ebay items (and a few collectibles I owned) and talking about our childhoods or certain categories of collectibles.

My sister loved these letters. She'd always been a fan of junk stores and garage sale and she had a lot of collections, especially of miniatures but of other things, too.

One letter was about Christmas collectibles. The German card above was one of the illustrations.   I loved the way it was written on all around the illustration. Here is another snippet from that letter

I would also close by asking her to write to me. (She was struggling to write again because of the weakness on her right side.) I would tell her that if she wrote to me, I'd construct another one of these letters that was essentially a looking glass into ebay. I think she collected all the letters in a notebook. She may still have them as a matter of fact. I found the word doc for this one among computer files I'd transferred over and over from machine to machine.

Which brings me to my current letter writing. They are more notes than letters, but this year, instead of printing up a bunch of holiday cards and mailing them to a hundred or so people, I am making a card or getting a card and replying to each card I receive with a short personal note. I'll respond to what the person wrote on their card or mention how lovely the children are in the picture. One person sent a MOMA card of a Matisse stained glass window. I mentioned that we saw the recent Matisse show at MOMA. On some of these cards I'm using Forever Stamps (or scans of them) to decorate them. For example,

In some cases, I've used the stamp on the envelope that my correspondent sent me to decorate the one I send. I'm thinking that these cards may surprise the recipients who realize we are suddenly having a correspondence instead of exchanging cards. It's made the holiday card thing fun again for me but as the cards flow in I may not have the stamina for it! Still I do love hand-written letters. Or notes. And remember tomorrow isn't just Pearl Harbor Day but World Letter Writing day.

Texas Christmas

As we muddle through the holiday season here in Central Texas, usually without snow, having a few bitterly cold days, some just right and some, let's face it, too warm, one sees people resort to odd decorations like putting Christmas balls on the sharp spines of the agave (aka century plant).

I'm not much for decorating and this year I will not have a tree or tinsel. No wreathes (hallway decorations not allowed in our building) or centerpieces. I will put some holiday cards we receive out on a shelf so I can enjoy them for a while. I won't be digging in the storage cage downstairs for bendable posable Christmas figures to strew around the apartment. (Yes, when I *do* decorate, it's unconventional at best.)

What I will do, however, is co-op others' efforts to be seasonably festive. I'll go to the hotels around here and snap pictures of their trees and other decor. Ditto the efforts in my condo building. I think there's a tree up on the 9th floor. I'll pose FFP in front of giant presents or Christmas characters. Maybe catch some clever shop windows with the camera. (We usually go to NYC to see those magnificent displays but not this year.) Restaurant decorated? Grab a picture. Someone made a real effort on their yard this year and we happen by on one of our rambles? Grab some pictures for this blog or our daily photo effort.

I consider this tactic making the best use of the efforts of others. One of these years I'll throw a little cocktail party like I used to do when we lived in the house and I will decorate. I may even have to clean the house for that. Not this year though. All the festive stuff you'll see here is either someone else's work or from the annals of time. But I will try to have somewhat festive pictures to dress up for Holidailies.

What's Eating You?

Aunt Cappy at Shaw's near Pemaquid, July 2005.

This morning I stayed in bed until 8 o'clock. I almost never stay in bed that late. I had some weird dreams. When I got up I thought I should write something for Holidailies right away and get that done. The writing prompt was about shopping Black Friday and Cyber Monday. We will speak of my non-shopping ways another time. Today we will talk about my Aunt.

We call her Cappy. It's a nickname her brothers and sisters (and parents for all I know) gave her. She had two brothers and four sisters. My dad and my uncle and my four other aunts on that side of the family. Two of her sisters married and had kids. The brothers, too. (Two of her sisters never married.) She was single until she was in her mid-thirties. She was in the Navy. She married a Marine late in both their military careers. He went to Viet Nam after they married. He had been in WWII and Korea. They were married for over four decades until he died in 2013. All her sisters have died, too. Her brothers. All the husbands and wives of those siblings. Her nieces and nephews married. Some had children. Some of those children had children. But of her 'generation' on my Dad's side, it is only Aunt Cappy. It's true she was youngest of her siblings. The oldest was 20 years older. Cappy was born straddling the next generation, only 12 years older than the oldest niece.

The Marine she married hailed from a little town in Maine where generations of his family had lived. So they moved there after they retired and they took care of his mother until she died and stayed on in the land of harsh winters and beauty and lobsters until they couldn't weather the winters and finally couldn't maintain two homes so they could summer in Texas.

The picture above is of my aunt when Forrest and I visited Maine on a car trip. Nine years ago. She's joking with the lobsters we will consume. (Funny how the camera she's holding dates the picture. A Polaroid I believe. Although the rest of us were in the digital era by then.) We had a routine when we visited called 'Code of the West' (somewhat inexplicably in the eastern most state) that involved going for lobster at a lobster dock restaurant, taking home leftover lobster meat for lobster rolls the next day in a cooler, visiting the Pemaquid Lighthouse and Museum and having ice cream at a gift shop nearby.

My aunt is on my mind. She lives near Dallas now but on a Thanksgiving trip to Houston she fell and dislocated her shoulder and had to get a shoulder replacement yesterday. Several of my cousins and their wives are on the case. But I'm there in spirit. I took her back to Maine the summer of 2013 to lay my uncle's ashes to rest in his native soil. (And, incidentally, to reenact the Code of the West in his honor. And, let's be honest, do every fun thing he liked that we could make time for. That Marine was always so much fun.) I took her back again this last summer with the help of my own niece (who is, gulp, 46 years old!) to do the driving. Another cousin took her to South Carolina this year. On these excursions I worried that she would have a fall. I was inordinately proud of getting her home upright.

I hope that she rebounds to take the risk of being on unfamiliar ground again. There is an army of nieces and nephews and their progeny who will hopefully be there for our last elder of that generation. Maybe we will keep taking her on trips even though we fear the fall, especially the out-of-town fall. I wish she lived closer to me. (She is in a retirement home near Dallas.) But that would imbue additional responsibility. It's been a few years since we had parental units to look after. None were quite as fun as Cappy, though.

And whenever I see some older person being looked after, by a child or someone else, I now wonder: who will look after me? I posed that question to Aunt Cappy one time. She said: "Be nice to your nieces."

Keeping A Record

Remember when having a picture of something involved film? Remember the furor over instant photography where the film developed right after you took it? But then to share it you had to send it off for reprints? These vintage cameras were for sale the other day in Uncommon Objects on South Congress. (For a reverie on the Polaroid Camera from five years ago see here.)

Remember when words on paper meant longhand, typing or typesetting?

Well, now it should be easier to keep a record of your life, right? Digital stills, digital videos, digital voice recorders; digital scanners to convert those old pictures and slides to pixels; computers to process our words and blogging sites like this to format them, date them, search them; and social media preserving your real-time comments and making sharing what you're doing so easy.

But somehow I still lose track of my life. Puzzle over what I did yesterday and wonder why I don't have a photo of something.

There is a comfort in it sometimes, though. That one can still get lost. Hide a bit from others and be a recluse.

Today is the first day of Holidailies. Drivel like this is supposed to be my gift to you my reader. But if it fell short just see what other participants have written that might enhance your day. I guess I'll be a little exposed here for the next month. However, I'm not going to be doing a blow-by-blow diary of my activities here most days. Just little ramblings. I have been keeping a diary offline lately. I used it yesterday to figure out when I last got a haircut. And so it goes.

Repetition brings Reputation

It's funny the things you remember. When I was in school band, I had a  book of music practice drills. It had encouraging slogans on every page. One was: "Repetition brings Reputation." I wasn't much of a musician, talent-wise, and I also didn't have much discipline to practice. But I did remember that slogan and there's a lot of truth to it. Accomplishing something is often just doing something over and over until you get it right or gain some skill. Or, as they say, build up a 'body of work.'

I've participated in the past in blogging exercises where you force yourself to write something every single day for a month. And I'm doing it again this year with the same portal site.It was run in the past by some friends but it has been taken over by some new folks. It can be found here.

The idea is that your writing is a gift for the holidays to your readers. I don't know how much of a gift it will be but I'm going to start the exercise in earnest on Monday, December 1. The portal has already attracted over 40 participants. I'll try to read some of the other blogs as well.

I am really questioning why I do this. Because, after all, who blogs these days? (Still...forty plus people have signed up.) 

I've done online 'journals' since before they were blogs, of course. Sometimes disciplining myself (with no promise to some portal) to write and post pictures every day for months and even years at a time. And while I didn't get much of a reputation I do think it helped me to hone my writing skills a bit and to organize my thoughts.

As to what the picture is doing up there, past readers may know that snapping reflections in shop windows is something I like to do. Especially when they capture a reflection of me. So whenever I blog I do some of that. Artist's statement here. This particular picture was taken at a nearby sporting goods store with big silver Christmas balls in their windows for the holidays.