Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I could use some new clothes. Even FFP says so. (He got a fifty dollar gift certificate from his favorite clothing store. He said wondered if they would be upset if he used it for some cologne he likes, knowing they were hoping he'd buy something expensive, fifty bucks off. I offered that he should buy some clothes, but he said "You need clothes. I don't have a place to put them.") Really I probably do need clothes. I did buy one new fancy tank top, jacket and belt a couple of months back. Last night I was relieved that the invite said 'cocktail attire.' If it is less than black tie, I wear a custom pants suit and a fancy blouse (don't have enough of those either) and hope it is acceptable. But those custom suits were made, when? The last ones maybe a decade ago? That's probably generous. The off-the-rack red blazer I wear every Christmas? I think FFP claimed it was three decades old the other day. Yikes. I haven't had a new pair of shoes in a couple of years except for tennis shoes. Although I have had some complete overhauls at the shoe hospital of some of my Cole Haans and Ballys.

But, Santa, see the outfit in that window. Yeah, no way. I want simple clothes, pants about 99 percent. I have a long velvet black skirt which, topped with something dressy fulfilled the 'ball gown' requirement of the one white tie event we ever got invited to. Yeah, I know. White Tie. FFP looked like a diplomat, though. But he had to order the white tie.

I want pockets, too, Santa. My custom blazers have two inside pockets and outside flap pockets. My custom pants have slash pockets. The only off-the-rack blazers I'll tolerate at least have an inside pocket.

I hate shopping for clothes, Santa, is the only reason I'm asking. I did buy a gray Polartec hoodie the other day at the pro shop at my club. I had a gray fleece hoodie that I tossed when we moved. The zipper didn't work well and it made me mad. It was cold and I'd forgotten the cheap black sweatshirt (pullover) I usually wear. Most of the ladies wear is too small (even in XL) in those fancy-pants pro shop brands, but this was a Men's Medium. Fits pretty good except for the sleeves are a tad too long.

But I digress. The trouble, Santa, is that I want new custom pants and blazers. I want some after five custom-made, too. Maybe a tuxedo-look with sparkle. A fashion that keeps coming and going. I have a Men's tuxedo I had tailored that I accesorize but it isn't the same. I want new Cole Haans and Ballys to appear without scouring the outlet malls. Heck, I might be satisfied if the full-tilt stores didn't show so many three-inch heels. Flats, forever, my friend. I paid full-tilt for the 'tuxedo pumps,' little part patent flats I wear for after five. We walk to these events and stand up once we're there! And what's with Cole Haan getting in bed with Nike and making a lot of casual shoes on Nike lasts which hurt my feet instantly though? I hate that. They used to make casual shoes I could wear.

I like good clothes that last forever. Guess that's what I have in the closet, mostly, except the end of forever is coming. Forgetting fashion (and that's easy around me), there are signs of wear I'm afraid.

Fortunately, Santa, I'm fixed for casual. I have a stack of men's size 34x30 Style 560 and 550 jeans that fit great. I have T-Shirts, polos (a few venerable give-a-ways from my old job and some ancient worn ones that look as if they were intentionally distressed), knit work-out shorts, sport socks, hiking socks, denim shirts, a couple of pairs of nice tennis shorts. I'll be needing a new pair of hiking boots in a year or two.

Really, Santa, if you do custom dressy stuff...come by and measure some time. Otherwise, you know, keep turning out Wiis and iPods. I'll buy my own electronics.

Love, LB

P.S. We sent the card below this year. We do hope you find us even if we don't really want any gifts. Just stop by for some nog. Or, you know, wine. We have lactose-intolerance at this house.

[By the way, a letter to Santa was the Holidailies writing prompt. Thanks. I enjoyed that.]


Chip said...

So, I'm going to go out on a limb and guess you aren't a big Old Navy fan?

Linda Ball said...

Now, given the right need (a cheap sweatshirt or polo), something like that, maybe. Of course, I'd have to go shopping!

deb said...

I used to not mind clothes shopping. Now I dread clothes shopping. Absolutely nothing fits unless you are a telephone pole! And it costs a small fortune to buy any of those things that don't fit correctly. If the waist fits I'm walking on a healthy foot of excess fabric in regulars. In petites I look like I had a growth spurt. ALL sleeves are too narrow and too long. I don't want to accessorize with spaghetti sauce bracelets, thank you. Last month I splurged and bought a name brand hoodie in the young men's department. It was a bit long, but that's ok. Washed it once in cold and now the zipper goes off at an odd angle.

I'm fed up.